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30-03-2022, 04:20 PM
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#801
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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Originally Posted by Zurg
It's okay to mourn the life you wish you would have by now. Just don't let it consume you darkwings. Life might have been different if you hadn't been born but not neccessarily better. The Way you Think and speak about yourself matters a lot!!! You were born. Not out of your own choice but out of your parents' choice. And if your dad was drinking and somehow letting you know it was because of you, them he's a scumbag who doesn't deserve kids!!!! Giving your kids the blame for your own failed ambitions and possibilities is not only cruel, it is abuse!!!
You are here. Now!!! And you are contributing to the world in your own Way. It's a huge misconception that we have to always work, study or raise children to feel like we're contributing to the world and have some worth. You're alive. You're a human being. That in itself gives you worth enough and right enough to be a part of this world.
The good thing about staying alive is the possibility of things changing. You've decided you don't want to live your entire life in a group home. That's a good start!!! Now, what small steps can you take to make it come true??? Are there things you need to practise and get better at?? Do you need support in some Way if you are going to live on your own??? Are there other setups that might let you live with support but with more independence than the group home??? Ask around!!! Ask the staff where you live now. They might be able to help you come up with a plan and help to show your ways to get better and reach your goal. It's a fucking great goal by the Way!!!! And it's certainly not impossible. You just need a lot of support, a confidence boost and some gentle help
Thank you so much zurg¡!!
My dad was abusive to me when I was living with him and my family
Thank you so much!!!!!!!!
I talked to the boss of the group home and he said I needed to work on my hygiene and other stuff to have more independence but he doesn't think that i would be able to live on my own
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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30-03-2022, 06:29 PM
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#802
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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Last weekend was my mom's birthday and i actually got a gift that she loved!!!!!
But....... I asked my dad (just because he is one of the most religious people i know (he knows alot about religion) and because i knew that my mom would feel bad if i was to ask her) if i could talk to them priest at their church he asked why and wouldn't answer me without a answer to why so i told him so i could ask him to make me non disabiled and he said that the priest couldn't heal me and so i asked him if he and i could go the Vatican city on my birthday (that would give me some time to save up money for the plane ticket i checked the price of the tickets before talking to my dad) to talk to the pope since maybe he can do it and then he said that the pope wouldn't be able to do it and that only God can create miracles not humans and i needed to pray for Me To be non disabiled but the thing is that I've been praying most of my life and all of the prayers aren't being heard at all!!!!!!!!! Then later on with no one else that i could ask i asked my mom how does god create miracles? then she said "god is not gonna make you a miracle and make normal Okay?!!!!"
am I that lost to where even God won't even help me at all????
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31-03-2022, 03:15 AM
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#803
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It's Bouquet! B-U-C-K-E-T!
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Wales, UK
I am currently:
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I dont personally believe in God but remember that different people are born every day. Differences make us human and sometimes nothing can change it. Instead of thinking you can change/be change potentially by God and being disappointed when it doesn't happen celebrate your good points.
There are some aspects in your life that can be changed by yourself. You mentioned that your group home boss thinks that you aren't too hot on personal hygiene. That can be changed. Self injury free is another that can be. It isn't going to be easy especially initially but I am sure there are other aspects that can be changed in your life. Stop stressing about the things that can't although I get that easier said than done.
Last edited by not_so_insig : 31-03-2022 at 03:23 AM.
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Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
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03-04-2022, 12:30 AM
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#804
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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Ok I'll try....... Its not easy for me to do that im sorry.........
Everything is too much to deal with!!!!!!! I feel on the edge of falling into death! I have no way to cope with it!!!!!
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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04-04-2022, 01:17 AM
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#805
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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Today i researched wills and stuff like that........ i wanted to give my laptop to My best friend( i asked him on Friday at the dayhab) but he doesn't want to have it....... And today i asked one of the staff about giving my laptop to my roommate and she said that my roommate wouldn't understand how to use it........... I don't know what to do....I'm just exhausted of being alive honestly I don't know if I have any point in my existence....i feel like there's no sound at all....... like everyone else IRL can hear and listen but no one can hear me it's like i have no voice....... And i feel like I'm already dead on the inside so why not make the outside match the inside???....i don't know... My mind is darker than night....... quite sure that is no light and no sun in my mind because it feels like a endless night and a endless storm in my mind..,.......... All my thoughts are death or how my life is worthless piece of sh!t or how to plan suicide and how not to be a failure of death (i have to succeed i mean I'm already a failure at life!!!) And how i would feel so much better when I'm dead because life is worthless and the opposite of death (everything in life has a opposite day is the opposite of night and happyness is the opposite of sadness) is life so it has to be better then this existence right???
All i know is i can't be alive anymore!!!!!!!
Last edited by Darkwings44 : 04-04-2022 at 01:41 AM.
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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04-04-2022, 10:20 PM
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#806
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Petulant
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:
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I’m sorry things are still so tough and you’re hurting so much. I know from reading your posts how much you want to not have the ‘disabilities’ that you have. I was wondering though, what is it specifically that you would like? What would your ‘ideal’ life look like? ‘Normal’ means different things to different people. What would you want?
Is it mainly more independence to do what you would like to do? Or is it something else? If ‘independence’, what would that mean or look like?
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*Proud Plumeria Sister*
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10-04-2022, 10:11 PM
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#807
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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I would be able to live on my own and I would be able to go to college and i would be able to drive and be able to go find a job and be able to walk up and down stairs easyly and be able to go places on my own
I would be married, have my own house and i would have a family and a few pets and i would be different i would be able to be smart and i would be a author
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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11-04-2022, 10:14 AM
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#808
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Cat
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Behind you
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I apologise if I word this wrong. But, why can't you do some of those things? Yes you have a disability but it doesn't necessarily mean that you are unable to fulfill some of your dreams.
Instead of focusing on what you cannot do, why don't you start to try to focus on some of the things you can do?
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27-04-2022, 04:32 AM
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#809
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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I don't know how to do it..........
I really don't know if I have any point of living........…. I really want to see what death has for me.......... But i don't have a plan at all.......... : Crying:
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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27-04-2022, 05:11 PM
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#810
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Cat
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Behind you
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What specifically is it that you don’t know what to do? Can you not ask for help from people to show you how to do things?
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27-04-2022, 07:08 PM
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#811
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Evil Emperor
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The TARDIS
I am currently:
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I Think a lot of people would feel the same darkwings. Being overwhelmed and not knowing where to begin. It's not a shame to ask for some help though. Sometimes it's easier to put together a plan if you have someone to help you pinpoint what you want and how to achieve it. Xx
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27-04-2022, 07:20 PM
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#812
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90's B*tch
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Hyrule
I am currently:
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How about trying to focus on one thing at a time rather than thinking about all the things you want to do.
Personally i started to live alone and it wasn't until a few years later i felt ready for a job. And the other stuff just came naturally afterwards
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I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Who else is fine?!?!?
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07-05-2022, 10:22 PM
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#813
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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i'll try...
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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12-06-2022, 12:55 AM
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#814
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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I don't think I can do life anymore!!!! My birthday is on Tuesday and I'm feeling very much overwhelmed by the staff and other clients that live in the group home..... it definitely feels like no one wants me living in the group home i won't be able to talk to my therapist until the 21st of June
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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12-06-2022, 11:13 PM
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#815
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Pathologically flamboyant
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Safety Cupboard
I am currently:
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I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed. What makes you feel like people don’t want you living there?
Do you have any plans for your birthday?
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No other sadness in the world would do
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19-06-2022, 10:30 PM
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#816
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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How the staff treats me and how the other cleints treat me as well
My birthday was going good at first but then dinner came and my little sister brought her boyfriend and at that time i thought that she was only bringing him because my parents wanted her to because my little sister has never really wanted acknowledge my existence to any of the other people in her life before (hell before a year ago most of her friends didn't know that she had a sister!!!!!!) During the dinner all i felt was shame and all i thought about was how much of a loser i was to my sister..............
It wasn't until after i had to leave (because I had started crying) that i had found out that she was the one who wanted her boyfriend to meet me!!!!!!!! I was really amazed but it was all ready too late and i was already in my mom's car going home so now I'm trying to see if the next time my mom takes me out that I could go with my little sister and her boyfriend too........
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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20-06-2022, 09:05 AM
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#817
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Cat
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Behind you
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Can you not contact your sister at all before then?
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21-06-2022, 03:11 PM
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#818
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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yeah but i didnt know what was going on until he showed up at the restaurant...
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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21-06-2022, 06:53 PM
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#819
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Cat
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Behind you
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You can explain that to your sister.
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25-06-2022, 08:18 PM
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#820
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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i will im planning on seeing not next week but the following week
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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