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Old 11-01-2021, 11:18 AM   #1
The Worst Witch
 
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Pressing self destruct when things are going ok?

Does anyone else find that they’re tempted to press their self-destruct button when things have been going well for a bit? Things that I can control like how much work I do for college and like looking after myself etc have been going really well for a few weeks now, but I’m scared that something is going to go wrong so I want to press my button and have it all implode.

Unsure if this makes sense.

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Old 11-01-2021, 12:43 PM   #2
Elmer
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Yes.
I think it's a control thing. Well, for me anyway. In my head, things are inevitably going to go wrong, so I may as well have the thing that's gone wrong be in my control. You can't be unbearably angry at the world for ruining your life if you're the one who's ruined it. Also there's the illusion that things will remain in my control after I've pressed that button.

But. It doesn't work like that. Bad things are going to happen to us, like it or not, so I guess we've got to use the good times to work on being ready for when things go wrong, rather than using the time being suspicious of our happiness.

Also, if things are good, we are allowed to enjoy it!



'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'


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Old 11-01-2021, 01:56 PM   #3
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This is me every few months

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Old 11-01-2021, 02:35 PM   #4
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I’m glad I’m not the only one.

Elmer, I think its about control for me too. I’ve been a student basically since I left school in 2004, with a few years here and there of working, and after many, many years of trying I’m very nearly qualified as a nursery teacher. The end of January marks the start of my last ever semester - I’ve never got as far as this before and although I’m proud of myself, I’m also scared of what the next step means. Studying has been my life for well over half of it, and I don’t know wbat I’ll do with myself when its over. I kind of want to press the button so I don’t have to move on, but if I stay a student forever firstly I’m going to run out of money from funding etc and secondly, I’ll never have the things I want from life like my own house, the chance to have kids with my partner, getting married etc and being a ‘proper’ adult.

Lauren, sorry you’re feeling like this too :(. Hopefully someone will come along with suggestions that will maybe help both of us not to press that button.


Last edited by The Worst Witch : 11-01-2021 at 02:51 PM.
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Old 14-01-2021, 12:12 AM   #5
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Yeah it's almost like. Things are going too well. I aren't used to things going well for a while it feels very strange. Let self destruct! As I'm only used to things going well for a while then something crap happens. So when it doesn't it feels wrong as its almost normal for me, in a way though I hate it.

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Old 14-01-2021, 12:48 AM   #6
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How does the stuff you worked on with your therapist fit into that though Lauren? Cos if I remember correctly they did some DBT stuff on not catastrophising and accepting poison parrot thoughts etc? Do you still get out your work book etc? Also, you used to have a fairly good relationship with your GP. Are they an option to reach out to when you’re wanting to press the self sabotage button?





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Old 14-01-2021, 02:44 AM   #7
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I know you were kinda meaning for Lauren Emma, but talking to my GP would actually be a good shout! I’ll do that tomorrow. Thank you for the idea!

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Old 14-01-2021, 04:31 AM   #8
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I was meaning Lauren but then realised might be applicable to others but didn’t want people to think I’d edited just so they felt I’d replied lol. Weird day in Royal land . I think talking to your GP is a marvellous idea A! Please do update once done so and for any kicks required





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Old 14-01-2021, 01:20 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pomegranate View Post
How does the stuff you worked on with your therapist fit into that though Lauren? Cos if I remember correctly they did some DBT stuff on not catastrophising and accepting poison parrot thoughts etc? Do you still get out your work book etc? Also, you used to have a fairly good relationship with your GP. Are they an option to reach out to when you’re wanting to press the self sabotage button?
I never actually did dbt emma. I do have a good relationship with my gp actually. The next step is either dbt or cmht with psychological input. I spoke to crisis a few days ago and they said for the time being to keep going as I am. If contact becomes more often then they will look into more support.

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Old 14-01-2021, 11:31 PM   #10
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yes I relate. Why should anything go well? I feel the need to be my worst nightmare



Some days are still hard but they make the good days seem all the better :)


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Old 15-01-2021, 12:49 PM   #11
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Locking per OP's request.





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