control over self-destructive eating patterns

[sandalwood]

I'd like to find out how others have coped with binge-eating. I've researched what subjective binging is, and I go through this, rather than the objective binge.
I don't know what eating disorder I fit in at the moment (probably the old EDNOS after being bulimic) but I have gone from a stable-ish recovery type of mindset with food and a healthy diet to a really terrible diet. I've been suffering deep stress with the household I live in which has contributed to my reaching out for food for comfort. I get panicky as I keep eating knowing I'm going to feel terrible. I have diabetes, and am on medication and my comforts are sugary food.

The point I want to make is about control. I know when I've lost control and this is it. It's been like this for 1 and 1/2 months. How do you regain control over your eating patterns?

I was thinking of making a Health Plan for myself but the thing is my binges are out of control. It's emotional pain making me reach for food, I know.

Thanks for reading.

[Elmer]

I don't know if this is something you've tried before, but for me bingeing (subjective or objective) comes with a great deal of unnecessary shame, and when I practise looking at the event without judgement, it takes away the power and I actually feel less compelled to do it, because now I've given myself permission. Does that make any sense?

So if I eat more than I intended or overeat for comfort, instead of berating myself, I try to put it in the past - it can't be changed. I also focus on how I feel physically - am I uncomfortable or sluggish? Is it a feeling I particularly want to feel again?

With regaining 'control' - you may find that you first have to allow yourself to 'lose control'; you may binge more to start with, but as they become neutral events that you've given yourself permission to engage in, you may find that the urge to do so becomes less strong. And sometimes comfort eating is great and necessary and healthy, there's nothing wrong with it if it's not your only coping mechanism. As well as that, taking away judgements associated with certain foods (healthy/unhealthy/'naughty'/'good') has also helped - when I'm not constantly second guessing how healthy I think a food is, I find it's much easier to figure out what my body actually wants. Sometimes it's a biscuit, sometimes it's an apple. All foods can be part of a 'healthy' diet.

I'm very tired, so I'm sorry if what I've written is a bit long winded, but I hope it makes sense. I know diabetes may complicate things, but it is something I have no experience with, so apologies if anything I've said is less helpful with diabetes in mind.

[sandalwood]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply!

No I haven't practiced eating without judgement before. I try and 'let go' of preconceived ideas about what I'm eating ('bad foods') but I always judge what I eat. I do practice 'putting it in the past' and concentrating on the future. I used to vomit and exercise compulsively and that does not happen anymore.

As for losing 'control' over what I eat, well- that has happened for 1 and 1/2 months. I understand what you're saying about binging not becoming something I engage in after a while, after allowing myself to do so, but my binges can be desperate attempts to calm an inner storm. It's as if something takes control over me and I eat one thing after another compulsively. I'm not a restrictive eater anymore, I've been eating in moderation for so long, so my 'control' is about getting my healthy eating back on track.

I've never gone through exposure therapy with foods that I was afraid of. I knew that at the beginning of these 1 1/2 months, with the types of foods that were around the house that was causing me anxiety. I decided to 'let go' and allow myself to eat but that turned into a compulsive daily habit, especially when I drink my coffee in the afternoon.

I agree all foods can be part of a healthy diet! and listening to one's body and what one wants is important. I wouldn't ever want to cut out a biscuit! but I binge every day on sugary foods- and although they are not huge binges, they disturb me with how I eat them. My eating behaviour makes me aware of what is going on inside of me- and it's terrible turmoil I'm struggling with.

Your reply was very helpful to help me think about my situation. Thank you.