hi, thanks for the reply.
right now everything feels hopeless and I go back and forth in my thoughts and feel that I have no control over my self-harm or the voices and as soon as I cut myself it gets worse and I lose control completely so I can barely remember what I did .
ah denmark has worked there in the summer before when I was 15. I have had several contacts with mental health care and been to several different facilities, no one really knows what to do and as soon as I started a treatment it has usually been interrupted for someone stopped or someone other reason. I have never had to go through a whole treatment and now that I moved three years ago, I completely disappeared from the system.
Can not say that it is a good experience I got from mental health care the first time I contacted I was 18 years old and then I told them that I was sexually exploited for 1 year by my sister's friend when she slept over with us and she slept over several times in month. then I also told him that I had just come from the emergency room, the person I told him about because then started crying and had to take another into the room to be able to hear it after that so I did not tell much more, but closed myself. then I did not tell that I heard voices or saw the events since I was a child in my head like a flipchart. I was later sent to a new reception which sent me to a closed ward because I was a danger to myself, I was in the closed reception for 4 days and was discharged because I cut myself deep at the reception, they did not tolerate that you self harm there. I have since been on several different but found a good one in the end and could then control the voices in my head and also my self-harm, but when I then moved from there I was not allowed to stay, but they sent a new referral to a new reception, which sent to me that I could hear from myself if I needed help, but I have a hard time trusting people so I never heard from me.
Yes, I think I'm addicted to it, because once I start I can not stop, thought I could control it by only hurting myself when I feel really bad and then tell myself that it's okay to do it . Right now it's really hard to be able to control myself and I hurt myself in places I have not done before, when I told myself that it is too dangerous, but now I do not feel that I care either, but if something happens seriously, it must be the way it is and maybe it's the best then.
I will certainly send a pm to you and talking is always good to have someone to talk to. I're been breaking Benjamin's I're heard for a long time is one of my favorite bands. Will continue to write here to be able to try to get me out of these thoughts I have. It feels good to know that you are not alone but feel like you are.