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Old 07-10-2020, 09:58 PM   #1
Darkwings44
 
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i really hate me

The following content has been hidden - Reason : im fine, i guess...
i hate me!! i really hate me!!!! i shoud be less! LESS!!!!!! Anything else is worthless!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im worthless!!!!!! not at the weight i am now....... I cant stand it!!! today the staff made me eat…..


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 11-10-2020 at 10:16 AM. Reason: removed food list.


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 08-10-2020, 12:48 AM   #2
Pomegranate
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This seems a fairly new thing, or at least something new than what I’ve seen you mention before. Is that accurate? Please tell me if not. Has something happened today to trigger you? How was your day? What did you do?

Also, and a super easy mistake to make (think I’ve done it before too), specific food info is against the rules hun. You won’t get in trouble so don’t worry- just a heads up for future.





*Proud Plumeria Sister*







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Old 08-10-2020, 02:07 AM   #3
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yeah..... i didnt talk much about this before....... yesterday i had to weigh myself..... and when i looked at the numbers i hated me so much.....

thanks!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 08-10-2020, 09:57 PM   #4
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i really want to purge right now but i cant!!! everyone will hear me if i do.......



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 09-10-2020, 01:28 AM   #5
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The following content has been hidden - Reason : no one knows....
i just took a bath and i hate seeing my body this way!! i miss being skinny so much!!! i was anorexic in the past a few years ago before i was on RYL (i had to recover it wasn't my choice to... my other therapist in the past told me to either eat or we (the therapist and my family) will force me to eat by inserting a tube in my tummy) but no one in the group home knows about it because it was before i came in the group home) but i hate my body so much right now!!!!


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 11-10-2020 at 10:17 AM. Reason: please see your PMs


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 09-10-2020, 07:20 PM   #6
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before i weighed XX.XX and that was my lowest... i feel like thats not even enough..... that i could go lower i want to try that..... but i dont know because of the staff at the group home......



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-10-2020, 07:53 PM   #7
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I've been e-mailing my friend about my ED and she said that i should eat... and long story short she said that calories are not the enemy but the brain is.... and that eating healthy and exercising often will get me to the goul weight but i dont know if shes right....isnt calories fat and wont fat make me gain weight instead of lose it?


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 10-10-2020 at 07:54 PM. Reason: misspelled a word....


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

Darkwings44 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-10-2020, 09:19 PM   #8
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i feel selfish eating food! i feel like **** that i let ED down!!!


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 14-10-2020 at 09:30 PM. Reason: cant put ana


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

Darkwings44 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-10-2020, 02:15 PM   #9
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Have you spoken to anyone about that struggling with the ED?



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 18-10-2020, 04:20 PM   #10
Darkwings44
 
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my old therpist but she i guess retired... and also my online friend..


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 18-10-2020 at 04:21 PM. Reason: more added to it


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life....


10/20/2020 may you rest in peace kaci i will allways love you <3
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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