Hmmmmm

[Iamcatbug]

Beckie another thought re the stomach cramps? Could it be period related? I seem to remember seeing a post that your contraception is overdue?

[Cacoethes]

It is very overdue. I'm actually booked in to get it next Wednesday now.
But I've gone months and months without it before and still haven't got my period back.
But there is a chance

[Zurg]

Beckie, i just wanted to pop in to say that things are beginning to change within psychiatry and some terms are not as rigid and difficult to deal with now as they were some 20 years ago.

I am in the process of weaning off my meds and what i have learned so far is that it is something that needs to happen veeeery slowly to avoid your mind playing tricks on you. I had my dose lowered of my last anti psychotic med and now they've upped the dose again because i became too unwell. Now, that does not mean that we'll never be med free, it just means that if something is stressing you mentally it is extremely difficult to deal with a med decrease at the same time. And quitting your meds cold turkey rarely ever did anyone a favour. It's a huge shock to your system which has grown dependent on them.

Anyways, they Will listen when you say you don't feel cool about being on meds. But they won't listen when you're acutely unwell and at the same time refusing to take your meds. I was on olanzapine for a few years, and yes, it's a fucking awful med in terms of side effects. But they keep using it for one reason; because it works!!! It is one of the best meds to handle psychosis. Or so i've been told. It is not a med they use lightly anymore mainly because of side effects so when they give it to someone it's usually due to repeating episodes of psychosis where other types of meds have not been efficient enough.

Idon't Think anyone expects you to stay on the med for the rest of your life. 20 years ago when i started on meds it was more like 'here, take this med, keep taking it and don't ask any questions!!!' But now things are changing. And they listen to you. Provided you Seem capable of making good decisions for yourself.
Giving yourself an abortion is not really regarded as a good decision. Just sayin'

Sadly, to make your voice heard you kind of have to cooperate. Because no one listens to you unless you are mentally okay. Being unwell, refusing to cooperate, it's gonna create soooo much more trouble. I've been sectioned too and it feels like a kind of abuse. It kind of sits in the body like a trauma. You don't need anymore traumas Beckie.

I don't Think we are for or against any kinds of beliefs. We just want you to be okay because we care about you. And people who want you to be okay generally don't lie to you.

[Cacoethes]

Thank you Zurg

I did ask if I could come off the olanzapine but my psych said definitely not. So that's why I got fed up and took myself off it. But.yes, i probably shouldn't have done that.

My psych doesn't seem to ever listen to me.
It's like I have to force his hand with everything.
I had to refuse to let the carers into my house to get them stopped. I had to stop the medication myself before he was ok with changing it to something else (but not before telling me 3 times to go back on the olanzapine)

I can make good decisions.
I'm functioning at work. Surely if I was ill I wouldn't be able to do that?
But yes, giving myself an abortion is not ideal.

It is total abuse.
I know if I got sectioned now, all they'd do is hold me down and inject me with medication. It is trauma.

[nonperson]

I deleted my posts too. I 100% did not intend my comments to read the way they did. My message was meant to be "trust the doctors", absolutely not anything else. Apologies, Beckie.

[Cacoethes]

No worries np!

[Lauren93]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cacoethes

Thank you Zurg
I can make good decisions.
I'm functioning at work. Surely if I was ill I wouldn't be able to do that?
But yes, giving myself an abortion is not ideal.

People with severe mental illness go into work all the time, it doesn’t mean that their mental illness has disappeared. Just because you can work a 6 hour shift and look like you’re okay it doesn’t mean that you are.

Also did you not have trouble going into work the other day and wanted to phone in sick?, that doesn’t really seem like something someone who is functioning well at work would feel/want to do.

And I’m sure you already know this but if you end up having an incident at work it could easily lead to you losing your job which would be a real shame considering how hard you’ve worked to find one.

[Cacoethes]

Yes I did have trouble the other day
I even considered telling them I was leaving 30 mins into my shift
But I couldn't just leave them like that
It's more to do with the fact that I'm scared to leave the house
Especially in the dark. Because of the demons
And on the walk home on sunday I'm sure i walked through hell for a bit. The cars, road, path and sky went weird and broken.
I feel safer at work though

That's true.
I don't want to lose my job
Or embarass myself by having some sort of incident

[Zurg]

Some of the people in mental health care are still the old School believers that medication is the best thing since sliced bread. And it's a crying shame seeing as evidence suggests that a lot of other things can be just as helpful and less damaging.

I know it's difficult to deal with that Beckie. But it's also a battle that you can't really win by trying to defy their decisions. That is not right at all and it's not okay either but it's sadly reality. I hope you can be teamed up with some better people eventually, people who Will listen to your concerns and ideas about what works better for you <3

But for now, i Think taking the meds would be the best decision. To appease your team and to regain a point of stability in your life. When stability has been reached it's also a better time to make decisions about medication. I felt like it was another defeat when they upped my meds again but a good friend of mine Said it's just a wobble and it doesn't mean another decrease later won't be possible. Baby steps is seriously the only safe Way to handle this. Both for yourself and for your team.

Just because the meds are needed right now doesn't mean they Will be forever!!! You are doing Well in going to work, keeping your job and Living on your own. It shows a great degree of determination and i hope you're proud of that because i Think you should be!!!

[Cacoethes]

Thanks Zurg <3

I had my first psychologist appointment this morning.
She seemed to not dismiss everything as mental health. Though she did say that was one explanation.
I did feel like she was actually listening though.
I don't know if she just said that to get me to trust her though.

You're right.
My psychiatrist is so med-happy though.
Like that's the only answer to everything.
And tends to just stick me on the highest dose of everything.

I feel like I'll be on meds forever.
I mean, i probably will thanks to other physical health stuff. But at least I don't get side effects from those ones.

Thank you :)
I am quite proud of that

[Elmer]

I'm so glad the psychologist listened. And yes, people are quick to blame mental illness on things that are neurological or psychological. I think that's what I was trying to say - there are a lot of psychologists who really question the concept of 'mental health' and what that actually means. It involves your brain, sure, but it's so complicated and also involves your whole body. Just because she works WITH the CMHT doesn't mean she agrees with the extreme medicalisation of what we know as psychosis, self harm, etc. And I'd hope that psychiatrists would be willing to work with her on this?

We have to remember that medication can have a place, and psychiatrists are first trained as medical doctors, and mental health comes second. I've never had much luck with CMHT psychiatrists but I hear that good ones without god complexes do exist!

For the short term, would you be willing to try the new meds? I know the instructions are confusing - It might be worth asking CPN tomorrow for clarification.

I'm glad you got to talk to her, and I'm glad you're proud of what you've achieved. You should be!

[Cacoethes]

My psychiatrist has been such a dick recently I don't really trust him to listen to the psychologist.
She did ask a lot about how things felt in my body. Like where the demons were coming from and where the sensations are.

I'll ask my cpn about the medication tomorrow.
I still don't know whether to try them or not

Thanks Lio :)

[The Worst Witch]

I'm glad the psychologist listened and you felt like you could trust her.

I'm curious - you said you were still taking the lithium, so does that give you side effects? If so, what are the side effects that you're struggling with the most?

[Cacoethes]

Thank you

I haven't noticed any side effects with any of my other medication
The side effect I was struggling with was weight gain. Well, I didn't gain any weight but it was IMPOSSIBLE to lose any weight at all.
I have a suspicion that lithium is also making it hard to lose weight because I'm not losing as fast as I would like.

I called the gp surgery.
Got an appointment with my lovely gp next Thursday. It's a while to wait.
It was really awkward explaining what the issue was to the receptionist. And as soon as I said what was happening she put me on hold....

[Elmer]

I’m glad you’ve got an appointment with your GP.

To be honest with you, it’s a very good thing you’re not losing weight as fast as you’d like. This is an eating disorder and your body is starving. It doesn’t want to lose any weight and it’s doing all the things it does in an emergency to stop that happening. It’s pretty dangerous long term and it’s not just burning fat, it’s eating your muscles, including your heart. It’s probably another massive contributor to your current headspace. Your brain isn’t going to be able to carry on as normal with no fuel. Anorexia is as serious when it is seen as ‘atypical’ as it is when you are in the tiny minority with ‘typical’ anorexia.
Please don’t stop any more meds because of weight. Your ED is hurting you enough already.

[one_step_closer]

So many replies, so many agreements from me. I don't I have anything to add so I'll just send you best wishes and hope that you can find a safe way through this and use the support you have. I'm rooting for you.

[Cacoethes]

That's true Lio. Thanks
I'm trying really hard with the ED side of things but tbh I don't even want to eat at all to try and get rid of the devil's child.
But I am trying to eat still.

Thank you lindsay <3

[Auror.]

Question that might be dumb, but you've been pregnant before so just wondering do you physically feel the same things you did then? How does it compare or differ?

[Cacoethes]

That's not dumb

I do feel the same way.
I should have known ages ago when I started feeling sick all the time.

[Auror.]

Do you think there's any differences?