It's been a while since I was an active member on here.
I guess I need somewhere to let some thoughts out and see if anyone has any sort of advice or can relate to the way I'm feeling at the moment.
Whenever I get close to someone I find myself convincing myself that they don't actually like me or, in this case, love me. I'm in a distance relationship and my girlfriend is great, she is understanding, kind and considerate but I can't help but overthink things and overanalyse things. I can go back and read our messages and remember the days when we are together which helps but I sometimes can't shake it. When we are together in person all of my doubt and any self-loathing disappears.
But when we aren't, I sometimes find it difficult to believe that someone actually cares that much about me and wants to spend time with me and enjoys talking to me.
At the moment I'm struggling a bit, work is a very pressurised environment. Working in a call centre where I feel I am underappreciated and undervalued where we don't have enough experienced staff to do what needs to be done.
Not really sure what I'm saying but I guess if anyone has any tips on how to not doubt that'd be great.
Last edited by Salazar : 18-04-2017 at 08:20 PM.
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
This must be difficult, but she obviously enjoys being with you. I know that probably won't reassure you. It sounds like you have low self esteem to be feeling this way, so maybe that's something to work on. You obviously have qualities that she finds good since she spends time with you, and I'm sure there are many great things about you. Could you try looking at it that way and seeing the great things about yourself? It's a hard thing to do though, I understand.
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your girl friend and it's quite normal to have these types of doubts especially when there is long distance between you. The question is whether these doubts and anxiety is starting to affect your relationship or whether it's affecting how you're living day to day. Have you discussed these feelings with your girlfriend? Is there anything reassuring that she can do while she's not with you?
Sophie.x
Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your girl friend and it's quite normal to have these types of doubts especially when there is long distance between you. The question is whether these doubts and anxiety is starting to affect your relationship or whether it's affecting how you're living day to day. Have you discussed these feelings with your girlfriend? Is there anything reassuring that she can do while she's not with you?
Sophie.x
Hey Sophie, thanks. I don't think it's affecting our relationship at all which is good. She's known about my anxiety from the day we started talking and she is very understanding. It's something she appreciates me talking to her about, she actively encourages it. Generally just having her reassure me or talking to her on skype/on the phone is a great help. We recently talked about a lot of stuff and I cried a lot which she just told me was OK and hugged me throughout.
In terms of day to day life, I think it's my job that's the main issue and that contributes to me doubting things because it gets me down so much sometimes and that obviously impacts on the way I think and feel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sketchy
This must be difficult, but she obviously enjoys being with you. I know that probably won't reassure you. It sounds like you have low self esteem to be feeling this way, so maybe that's something to work on. You obviously have qualities that she finds good since she spends time with you, and I'm sure there are many great things about you. Could you try looking at it that way and seeing the great things about yourself? It's a hard thing to do though, I understand.
Hey, thanks.
Yeah, she does enjoy being with me, and, most of the time I see it, I believe it and I feel it. It's just those times when it cripples me that are so tough.
You're right, I definitely have low self-esteem and have done for a long time. I see some good things in myself but I find it hard to actually believe them or see them as anything good. I usually see the bad things in myself far far more.
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
Like a magnet, the psyche has poles - one is dark and the other brighter. When people get upset the psyche moves toward the dark part of the mind. Being upset creates negative thought storms - those create more upset and so on. Like metal filings to a magnet, an upset, angry mind draws dark thoughts. Upsets also cause self-doubt.
Perhaps you had an angry parent that upset you and caused you to fall to self doubt and recrimination. That's not unusual. People can then look to others to find a redeeming sense of worth. That's also a common problem.
Offhand I would say any doubt issues are really between you and you. Even if your girl thought you were the most magnificent person in the world it wouldn't address the main problem. You could even feel worse if you get addicted to needing the support. That sort of dependency can create more self-doubt.
The main way to overcome self-doubt is to not lose your own self between your ears. That comes from being vulnerable to overreaction and then falling into your own machinery. You also need a good heart and desire to do what is right - no matter what. Once you learn to deny the little selfish things you recover a lot of parts you didn't know you had. It helps to have philosophical and metaphysical perspective on life.
With everything stressing me out it kind of got to me. We were due to skype on Tuesday and I asked if she was still OK to skype and she said would a phone call be OK. I replied OK and then she apologised and said she feels guilty. We talked about it (this was on WhatsApp) and she said she just feels bad that she's so busy and there's so much pressure on her atm she is overwhelmed and she needs some space to breathe and that she doesn't feel she can be there for me in the way that I need which makes her feel guilty.
I apologised if I'd made her feel that way and explained that I'm glad she told me and it made me realise how busy she is and that it's nothing I've done etc that she's been quiet. Then she said she's glad that we sorted it out.
She's going to be doing her A2 exams soon so it's a busy time for her and she has other things that take up her time.
But like we've not talked much at all recently and it's just really confusing for me. I don't know where I stand. I asked her this evening on WhatsApp if we were all good and she said yeah we are, it's just been a tough week but she didn't really elaborate on anything.
I should just give her space, I guess? It's affecting my sleep though, I'm waking up in the morning and struggling to get back to sleep because I play it over in my mind thinking about it. Like she hasn't messaged me first in the mornings when she's woken up, she hasn't said love you etc etc
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
It sounds like she's really busy. Hopefully things will soon calm down.
Is there anything you can do to keep yourself distracted, to have a break from these thoughts? I understand it must be causing anxiety, but maybe finding something else to focus on will help. It sounds like you can both talk to each other, which is good. Maybe give her space, but arrange a time to talk again.
I've been going out for walks. On Monday I walked about 4 miles. But generally I've just got out the house and walked.
She's definitely really busy but her exams are at the end of June. I don't want to have minimal contact with her until then. It's gone from being quite intense to almost the opposite the last couple of weeks which has thrown me.
There isn't much that I can do to distract myself. I wanted to go to my brother's and spend time with him and my nephew but he's only around for a little bit tomorrow and I need the sleep if I can get it.
I kind of feel like everyone is abandoning me at the moment
I'm not sure how to arrange a time to talk again, I don't want to put pressure on her to talk to me.
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
I think I've largely managed to start dealing with the fact that she has exams soon and is studying for them hard so we can't talk that much. But I really miss her and miss talking to her. And I don't really know how to tell her properly without putting added pressure on her that she doesn't need right now.
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
I tried to call her but she cut my call off, asked if I had upset her lately on Whatsapp and we went from there and she broke up with me. Said it was because I'm not religious and she had de-prioritised God.
I'm angry that she didn't call me.
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
