Quite stressed at the moment
I don't usually make threads asking for support and may end up deleting this but I'm trying to be a bit kinder to myself, so bear with me!
I've been doing my CBT therapist training over the past year, which as I'm sure you can imagine has been harder than it needed to be because of the pandemic. It's a very intense course in the first place so I think I've been less resilient anyway.
I've basically finished the course now - all the lectures are done, and my only deadline left is to submit a tape of a therapy session that will be marked as pass/fail. I was meant to submit this in November, but unfortunately the original client I was recording for a tape dropped out which meant I had to start again with someone new and extend the deadline. I was really frustrated by this as I've been so desperate for this hideous course to be over, but it was out of my control. I have now finally submitted this last tape as of today which is good.
Yesterday my friends on the training got their results for their tape, because they submitted on the original deadline. This means they already know they're qualified CBT therapists and I'm still waiting. I found yesterday very difficult and upsetting (despite knowing this was unfair of me and I should be happy for them all) and I feel so, so worried I will fail this tape and that actually I'm secretly incompetent. This is not rational and as a nearly qualified CBT therapist I know my thoughts are negative and what I can do to try and be more balanced but it's hard to be your own therapist, especially when you do it every day with other people! I've passed literally everything else on this course and feel somewhat confident in delivering therapy day to day but this last hurdle is difficult when I'm already stretched so thin.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here but it would be nice to know that people have read and seen what I'm feeling because I don't feel able to share this with anyone apart from my partner. Thanks so much in advance if you read.