The girl who called wolf.

[Fire Fly]

I don’t know how to start this. I don’t know how to start anything.

Here it goes... I’ve been generally so low for quite sometime. It’s been getting worse and I cut myself for the first time is bloody ages. Crisis team sort of got involved. Anyway today I tried to make an attempt and my husband called the emergency services and they came but because I refused to leave my house they had to liaise with crisis team and an gp(not mine).


But someone from the crisi team said “she is attention seeking and has an manipulative personality. Just leave her to it and we will take the blame if she kills herself”. I heard it all and the ambulance crew and police wrote some of it down and gave it to me to give to whoever came in the evening. Initially I refused to see them but my partner said it was x and x who are amazing and couldn’t believe what they said.

I feel so low and sad. I feel like I can’t do anything anymore and don’t se ea point to living. I feel worthless and feel like I shouldn’t say anything. They desperately want me to work with them but after that I feel I can’t. I just don’t know how living is so hard when I can’t do it. I’m so so so low. They said that as soon as I cut they realised how unwell I was. But I’m not I’m just determined to finish it. But for some reason there’s my husband and he means the world despite what I put him through.

I just want to be far far away and not exsist. Please just help? I don’t know if that’s what I want but reassurance that I’m not pathetic or worthless.

[Pi.R^2]

Oh gosh, what an absolutely awful thing to say. And in a professional capacity as well. I'm utterly shocked and I didn't think the bullshit professionals say could shock me anymore! How do you feel about making a complaint about it? I can understand you struggling to engage with the whole team after that interaction- are you able to communicate that and perhaps they could at least ensure that you do not have any further dealings with that person?

I can assure you that you are not pathetic or worthless at all. You are kind and brave and smart and determined.

You've mentioned that your husband is a reason to keep fighting, and that's great. Do you have any other reasons?

If you were to hold on and try to stay safe, can you think of anything that could be done to make you feel even a little bit better?

[Ballerina123]

Firstly, what they said is a weakness in them, not a weakness in you. They basically said something horrible because they didnt have the skills to help you or do their job properly. That is not your fault.

I cant believe they would even think that that I ok.

I would also agree that if you can make a complaint you should. I would personally make the complaint to the cqc rather than the trust.
Youcould even get a lawyer involved. A personal injury lawyer may take you on on a no win no fee status.
I think its worth looking into but of course I understand if you feel unable to.

Did your husband hear what they said? Has he expressed and option about it?

So sorry you had to go though this. The fact that healthcare professionals dont actually care if their patients live is really sickening actually (obviously not all HC professionals).

Im sorry you are feeling so bad. I hope it all lifts soon. X

[Fire Fly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballerina123

I would also agree that if you can make a complaint you should. I would personally make the complaint to the cqc rather than the trust.
I think its worth looking into but of course I understand if you feel unable to.

Did your husband hear what they said? Has he expressed and option about it?
X

My partner was at work. However the paramedic wrote some of it down for me She said that the police have caught it all on camera so they can’t really deny it and she also said her name on it.
when I’m feeling more up to it I will make a complaint but I think my partner is on that already. I feel she’s used the diagnosis of eupd to make that judgement of me because later two nurses who know me so well came out from HTT they both hugged me and stayed for ages and said that’s never came across there mind about me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pi.R^2

Oh gosh, what an absolutely awful thing to say. And in a professional capacity as well. I'm utterly shocked and I didn't think the bullshit professionals say could shock me anymore! How do you feel about making a complaint about it? I can understand you struggling to engage with the whole team after that interaction- are you able to communicate that and perhaps they could at least ensure that you do not have any further dealings with that person?

You've mentioned that your husband is a reason to keep fighting, and that's great. Do you have any other reasons?

If you were to hold on and try to stay safe, can you think of anything that could be done to make you feel even a little bit better?

Im holding onto him for a reason to live. I mentioned an admission below but I have agreed for an admission more for my husband than myself. I don’t think much will work but I saw his face and how this is allmaking him feel and I can’t put him through this constantly.

Things have gotten so much worse. I can’t stop crying and just want to curl up and die. Yesterday I tried to leave the flat - I couldn’t take this anymore and then my partner came running. He kept saying he can’t keep me safe so we had to go to the hospital. We went to a hospital that is out of my borough because I work in the mh trust in my area which complicates things. It was a nice hospital and listened to my partner. Somehow or another words got mixed up and they said to me we want you admitted but the local area wants a further assessment with the oncall bed manager. so they had booked transport to take me there. I was not happy even going to the local psych unit as that where I sometimes work. On arrival they took me to the female ward and said your admitted?? - Cam they even do that?

They tried to 5(4) me despite me not legally agreeing to an admission or anything. In the end the HTT came to the ward and aggred a plan for overnight and then discuss further tomorrow so I could go Home.

HTT came over today despite me saying I want nothing to do with any of them. I basically had to agree to an admission as long as it was out of area or they were going to do a mha.

I actually really fucking hate this. I struggling so much and I just want to cry so much. It’s too much to take in and I feel my head will blow up. I just can’t keep going on. My head is tired and I just don’t want to do anything. I’m waiting for a bed now but it can be quite far as they’ve said beds in thentrust we have a deal with is short on beds tonight so no one knows where I’m going now. I feel so low and confused and tired. They’ve said they want me there for a minimu of 10-14 days +. I’m not happy :(

[one_step_closer]

I hope you are getting the support you need in a place that is ok for you. This will pass, keep going. Sending hugs and good wishes.

[Fire Fly]

Thanks Lindsay.

I’m just so so sad. I’m upset and low. I expressed my suicidal feelings to a nurse and then during checks they saw me around the window and thought I had x and doing x. Suddenly they put me on 1:1 however I was literally by the window looking up but I had no intentions to harm myself and didn’t have any x.instead I had a stone in my hand. I had to see the dr again and he said thw1:1 is necessary but I didn’t and really didn’t want it and got annoyed and just left the room at the first chance. They decided to take everything off me. They only left my glasses and colouring stuff and toothbrush and toothpaste. I had to beg them to leave my iPad and stuff. I feel like I can’t express anything because they take it too far.

I’m so sad. They added added Clonazepam three times daily as regular and didn’t even tell me. I juat So sad and low. I don’t know what they are thinking but I’m just wanting to leave. I tried expressing my feelings to leave and they they called the duty dr. He wrote something on my chart for extra pain killers and my joints are terrible but he basically said to the nurse to say to me if I want to leave he will come to see me but without a shadow of doubt they will be putting me on 5(2) or 5(4) and I will be detained under mha just because of my feeling and not being safe and I’m walking a fine line at the moment.

So I just said forget it the But I just want to leave. It’s makingme so so sad. I want to not be here. I’m just so upset.amd pointless

[one_step_closer]

That sounds like you feel sort of trapped and not totally heard. No wonder you're sad and upset. Has your partner been able to visit and can he help you to get your points across? Maybe try and focus on getting good things from the admission as much as possible, focus on your well being and recovery and hopefully you'll feel better quicker and will be more able to communicate and be understood on your level.

[Fire Fly]

They have been saying I’m Hugh risk and that if I leave the ward then I could potentially in their eyes I will kill myself. What is the point of being informal if I don’t heya chocie?

The woke me earlier and said the dr wants to see you. So I plodded along. I don’t know why I needed to see especially as I saw a dr on wed, then Thur, then fri and now Saturday. He says you’re very depressed and that it was good that he consultant raised my venlafaxine to higher dosage. I asked him if I could leave to go for a walk with my husband and then he goes we trying to keeping as least restrictive as possible so to try and hold that and stay for the weekend.

I feel so trapped. I just don’t know. I don’t want this admission I don’t want to be here

My partner doesn’t know what to say. He keeps telling me to calm down and stop asking to go out because they will just end me up on a s2.

How can I get good things when all my brain is saying to me to kill myself. It just says die and it’s not even impulsive.

It’s upsetting me that they are thinking my eating is a form of self harm - but it is 100000x not. I’ve always eating issues and struggles through my teens prior to any mental health being prominent.

Please rescue me because I just don’t want to be here

[nonperson]

If you leave the ward do YOU think you will kill yourself?

I think you need to be there. I understand you feel trapped and not listened to, but from what you just wrote above I believe you are safer where you are at the moment.

Could you maybe arrange an afternoon or day out of there or something with your husband? I don't know if that would be allowed or not but could be worth a suggestion instead of asking to leave completely.

[Fire Fly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonperson

If you leave the ward do YOU think you will kill yourself?

I think you need to be there. I understand you feel trapped and not listened to, but from what you just wrote above I believe you are safer where you are at the moment.

Could you maybe arrange an afternoon or day out of there or something with your husband? I don't know if that would be allowed or not but could be worth a suggestion instead of asking to leave completely.

I agree that it has crossed my mind to run away and do something to myself. But I’ve not exactly told that to them.

I don’t know if I am. But they’ve stripped all my belongs and even things I couldn’t harm myself with. Now that’s got me so upset. If they are that worried about me stil me on 1:1 - I hated it when they did briefly but my point is that they haven’t so I can’t be right?

The doctor came to see me today and it was the same questions. I don’t know why a doctor is seeing me every day. I feel so sad low and I just don’t know what to do.

They’ve literally said I’m not allowed out whatso ever. I did ask yesterday when my friend came and they said under no circumstances.

[Fire Fly]

I forgot to say... I had a incident. My partner brought in my bra but they wouldn’t let me have it as it was a stringy bra. But most of my bras are like that and they wouldn’t let me have it. So they let me check my bag that they took off me in search of a another bra which there wasn’t. Somehow I got hold of my charger. And took it. And his. It eventually somehow they found out and I gave them the plug but not the wire. It was awful. I refused to tell them. They suddenly took my iPad and iPhone and said until you give it you can’t have it. Gradually one by. One they were coming to convince me to get it but I wouldn’t and then suddenly tip my room upside down and I had to tell them where wit was ages later. It left me so tearful and crying sad o much. I can’t do this.

I can’t do anything. I just can’t cope.

[Fire Fly]

I just feel so sad so low. Is it legal for them to have taken all my belongs without me using anything to harm myself with? Is it legal to keep saying when I try to leave that they will section me and get the dr to further the section and then mha. I feel like I’m being detained when illegally I am not.

I just want to cry. I feel so sad and low. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to give up. How do I ever get hope again. How can I wver look into the future because right now all I want is to die.

[one_step_closer]

It sounds like they're worried about you and are trying to do all they can to keep you safe. I know it's really hard in hospital especially when you're having things taken off you and aren't getting time out with the ward but you can work towards getting those freedoms again. I can hear how low you are, I hope you can get through this process soon and feel more positive and see the good things life could bring you. Take it a day at a time, be kind to yourself, and reach out for support.

[Ballerina123]

Im sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
Try to remember that it has been this bad before and got better.
Please fight this awful illness. I couldn't bare it if you were gone.

Sending love.

[Aubergine]

How're you doing?

[yoyogirl]

Thats absolute ridicilous things to say and against their code of ethics which you easily bring them up against. in the medical community doctors, nurses etc are not allowed to make assumptions and judge people or assume that the person is attention seeking. A mental profressional should the know difference between a mental health conditon and someone is just having laugh and wants attention but is really smiley and happy.


Someone who self harms is hardly gonna be smiley, they are generally ashamed of what they've done to themselves and daily life triggers such divorce, spouse dying etc or exam seasons or end of year dissertations when things get too much these all can be masssive triggers for people. Also, when you made call for help they would hear on the phone that it's genuinee emergency by the tone of your voice.


so my advice would be complain to pals and they can assist you with situation. if it helps, you could go and see someone who works in the patient liason service.

[Fire Fly]

I just want to die. Please. I don’t know what else. They confiscated my phone and iPad for 24 hours incase I used it to harm myself when there was no indication of it. I got sexually assaulted in the waded and they’re blaming me despite being coerced being taken to his room. I can’t do this. I can’t. Do this.

[MunchBox]

I'm so sorry, R.
Why are they blaming you, how do you feel about reporting it.
I understand that you must be feeling awful but how are you?

[Ballerina123]

Oh my god! Why are they blaming you?
This is such an awful thing for them to do.
Im so angry for you.

[matthewseeks]

yes they were wrong in doing that
for instance when chester killed himself i said i wouldnt think badly of him for that as it's a complicated thing and it's hard to be sure of all the specifics anyway which revolve around a suicide