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Contains sexual abuse - It's been a long time.
First off, it's been a long time since I've been on here. I read some of my old stuff, and wow.
I was rape by my brother as child, and now I am 33 years old. I thought I had worked through it, but the last few years have showed me that I, infact, have not.
A long story short, my brother ran away to another country to avoid his divorce and his affair, and I was the one who stood up for him. Even then it brought back feelings of what had happened (something I wrote off as an "accident" or something, as he was around 13/14 years old) I stood up for him to my family, because he wasn't mentally well. I had my first child at 30, and he would call me crying (in the other country) and tell me he wasn't going to be like our uncle who was never around. Well. That wasn't true.
Things have gotten to a point that my sister and I have been talking more honestly about the things we went through going up, even so far as her to admitting that she and my brother treated me terribly. She doesn't know what happened. It is obvious to me now that my dad and mother swept things under the rug. My mom has since passed, so I cannot confront her about it, and my dad will never admit to anything.
I am learning new things every time we talk, and I am realizing that I don't remember much of my childhood. But I do remember what my brother did. And it angers me that he is the golden child, despite everything.
I don't have anyone I can talk to about it, and I am waiting to go back into therapy (Have an appointment set up but it's not until after the new year) I've been considering contacting the local PD because it was reported through my school, and I kind of remember a police report being made but nothing coming of it. I'm stuck on wanting the report because then it will validify what my memories are. But I'm terrified of what I might find out.
I guess I'm rambling now.
I don't know if I'm even asking or advice, or if I just want someone to hear me.
Thank you.
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