I'm on lamotrigine, lexapro, and clonazepam (high-five, lamotrigine buddies!).
I felt the same way before starting medication. I felt, at the time, that if I resorted to medication that I'd be "giving up" and that instead I should "try harder" with the coping mechanisms I'd learned in therapy. While those mechanisms helped a tiny bit, but I was still pretty miserable.
The hesitation and guilt I felt stemmed from being raised in a family that never talked about or seemingly understood mental health.
So I took my Dr's advice and started some medications. After numerous conversations with my therapist I started to see things differently.
Looking at it objectively, there is nothing inherently wrong with taking a medication that your body needs. If you broke a limb, I suppose you could just "tough it out" and suffer while it heals...and then be stuck with a bone that healed improperly and is permanently painful! (Straight up, I did that before and it was dumb). ...Or, you could just go get a cast.
I don't think there's any reason to suffer when medications can drastically increase the quality of your life. Mine allow me to enjoy things more and participate in communities that I would otherwise be too anxious to join. Feeling less anxious and depressed also gives me the motivation and confidence to fix things in my life that might have been making my depression and anxiety even worse.
You mentioned that you might need to continue to stick to your meds indefinitely - that's likely going to be my case, too. I guess I think of it like this: ultimately, if I do need to take them forever, then it's because my darn genetics and brain chemistry make it so. It's not my fault - I'm just adapting with the help of science.
Those are the things I focus on when I start to question my medication journey. I hope they're somewhat helpful to you and that I'm not just rambling away. If you have any other ways you think about these things I'd love to hear them!