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Old 14-11-2020, 10:22 PM   #1
The Worst Witch
 
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Things are not ok

Things are not ok. I don’t know why. I seem to just be a burden to people, even when I am genuinely trying to help.

I don’t know what the point of me is.

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Old 14-11-2020, 10:27 PM   #2
Darkwings44
 
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youre not a burnden at all!!! *hugs you*



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 14-11-2020, 10:30 PM   #3
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Hey, I'm sorry you're finding things rough.

I don't know what to say other than a lot of people, myself included, can understand feeling pointless... What I can say for sure is that I like your presence around here so maybe knowing that gives you at least a little bit of purpose.

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Old 15-11-2020, 01:08 AM   #4
Unbreakable.
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I am sorry you're feeling that way <3

Do you want to talk about what makes you feel that way?
I personally appreciate you're advice and support.





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Old 15-11-2020, 03:54 AM   #5
Auror.
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You have definitely helped us a lot. We always like getting PMs from you.

Do not want to ask specific questions on here as unsure what you are okay with sharing but you are more than welcome to PM us if that feels safer.



Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.


You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 15-11-2020, 01:51 PM   #6
Cacoethes
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Sorry you're feeling this way Alison.
If it helps, I don't think you're a burden at all and I enjoy our message conversations!



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 16-11-2020, 04:27 PM   #7
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Thank you for the kind words.

I don’t know what’s up. I’ve been taking my meds, so nothing untoward there. They might need increased, but my GP is more likely to tell me to stop taking them altogether than increase them. The cats are fine, I’m about to be in a position to buy a house amd have security in that sense. So why am I so sad? It just makes no sense!

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Old 16-11-2020, 05:04 PM   #8
Auror.
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you have had a lot of stressful things occurring and a lot of changes. change is really hard?



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You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 16-11-2020, 10:07 PM   #9
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Mental illness doesn't automatically improve when external factors do (though it can be really helpful). Sometimes things are hard even when we don't know why.





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Old 17-11-2020, 05:36 PM   #10
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I have made some progress in counselling today. We worked out using a clinical outcomes form that my stress levels are really high, way beyond a healthy level so we’re going to do some work on it next week. In the meantime, I’ve to stop ignoring how I feel and take some time each day to do things I enjoy.

What usually helps you lot to destress? Any ideas welcome :)

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Old 17-11-2020, 06:30 PM   #11
Auror.
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snuggles from my dog helps? we like quiet and dark. but those are not really things you actually do?

do you have fairy lights or anything you like? maybe just sitting with them and snuggling for a bit? unsure.



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 17-11-2020, 06:38 PM   #12
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I love snuggling with Soot, he’s lying on my knees just now while we watch stuff on Netflix :). We’ve found a show we like that isn’t too confusing to understand, and we have been playing our Nintendo. Its helping a little bit, but we are very aware that we are not doing school stuff and we should be. We are not going to catch up with stuff if we sit and play Mario all day, so it feels like a never ending cycle - we have stuff to do for school thats late, so we get stressed. Then we can’t concentrate, so we do something fun but the stress is still there in the form of little voices saying “you’re not going to catch up my sitting on your arse all day’

Unsure if that makes sense.

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Old 17-11-2020, 07:09 PM   #13
Auror.
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things for us are very similar with school so it makes sense to me. it just all builds and it is hard to focus and then nothing gets done so builds even more.

mario and Soot snuggles sounds good though. what are you watching on Netflix?



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You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 17-11-2020, 09:21 PM   #14
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We were watching one day at a time, then had tea. I’m currently sorting out my room because its a mess, I’m hoping if I have a clean study area it’ll keep me motivated. Soot has other ideas - tried to throw out a cardboard box and he sat in it until we put it back, ha.

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Old 17-11-2020, 10:16 PM   #15
Unbreakable.
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Tidying is a good idea. It can make a huge difference to have a clean space.





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Old 17-11-2020, 10:37 PM   #16
Darkwings44
 
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*hugs you*



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 18-11-2020, 09:14 AM   #17
The Worst Witch
 
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My room is tidy. I have to do the kitchen at some point before environmental health legit declares it a health hazard ha.

We also got some school stuff done last night. We are in class today and got the stuff done for what we’re learning, so thats good. Just have to catch up on the ofher stuff and not fall behind again.

This feels almost impossible. Really, really just want to give up but I know I’d regret it. I’ve already suspended two semesters and I can’t really adford (both financially and mentally) to suspend again plus it wouldn’t really help - everybodys struggling in a global pandemic. Just want a hug though, an a tual physical hug. I miss them.

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Old 18-11-2020, 09:39 AM   #18
Unbreakable.
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I am right there with you regarding wanting an actual physical hug. <3

Really well done for being so productive, it sounds like you managed to do quite a lot of work.
I am super proud of you and genuinely impressed!





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Old 18-11-2020, 10:33 PM   #19
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Thank you :).

I’m glad I’m not the only one who is missing higs! I feel quite lonely without them, ha.

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Old 19-11-2020, 12:05 AM   #20
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I feel like touch can help a lot with feeling connected to other humans and just lift one's mood in general. Can't wait for this nightmare to hopefully be over sometime.





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