I'm getting really bad voices about the contamination in my blood.
I don't want to let all my blood out because it will hurt.
I also don't want to die.
This does usually happen around Sunday/Monday because my depot is due on Tuesdays but it's so much stronger today. And feels more real.
Most of you will know how this went last time this happened and I'd rather avoid going through that again.
It wasn't nice.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Tuesday isn't too far away now. I think you should bring this up with someone especially as it normally happens anyway but is potentially getting worse. Do you have another psych appointment booked soon?
Is there anything you might have learned last time that might help in the moment or that will get you through to Tuesday?
I was thinking of calling 111 to see if they can help get the contamination out first. Just in case.
I don't have a psych appointment booked. It was meant to be Thursday but no one called.
I don't know. Last time I had to have ECT to get rid of it.
But now I'm just thinking that the ECT somehow killed the contamination and that's why things got better after it.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Becky I’m sorry things are so shitty. People can ‘get used’ to the depot and need an increase especially if it’s augmenting clozapine etc so perhaps it’s that. The lack of structure also can have a massive impact on mental health shizzle! Like not being able to do normal coping or socialising like swimming or SW....
I wouldn’t panic just yet but it’s great that you’re being so mindful and aware and worth discussing with depot nurse, I would say CPN but I know you said he was leaving?
Would it be worth calling the CMHT this morning? So they're aware, and also aware that they missed your psych appointment (not good on their part).
I know how hard it is when this stuff creeps in (obv don't know exactly how you feel!) and you don't know what to do for the best. But right now, while you're able, the best thing is to get experts involved who can help stop this before it escalates. You're worth so much more than being stuck in hospital unable to allow yourself to eat or drink, or doing horrible things to yourself.
Last edited by Elmer : 09-11-2020 at 08:21 AM.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I was going to text my cpn today but I've had a sudden hit of anxiety about it. What if they just section me again?
I nearly called 111 last night and I had planned to go to A&E today to ask them to take my blood out and replace it with new blood. But again, worried about being sectioned. And if they don't help me then that's it, I'll have to deal with it myself and I don't want to let all my blood out.
The lack of things to do is affecting me Emma so that probably isn't helping.
My cpn is leaving yes. I'm not sure when. But bringing it up with the depot nurse is a good idea.
You're right, the best thing is to get the experts involved.
I really don't want it to escalate.
Thank you
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I also agree with everyone else. I think you also get yourself wound up when you have episodes like this and that just makes things bigger and bigger. You're noticing having these feelings and that's a good start, you can get yourself some help. Try not to get too bogged down and obsessed about it all and hopefully this will all settle soon.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Fingers crossed that whenever you get your depot it's with someone you can open up to. If it's not an approachable person could you ask them to pass on a message to someone else involved in your treatment? If there is someone else right now.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I bumped into my cpn and briefly told him what's going on. He told me to talk to the depot nurse about it and he'll call me on Thursday and also arrange a review with my psych.
I spoke to depot nurse about it and she was lovely.
They said they'll pass it on.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Thanks.
It helped a bit.
She said it might help to write down a distraction list because sometimes my head gets too much to remember what to do. So I've done that and put it on my fridge
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm just so worried about being put in hospital again
Especially as the psychiatrist wants to see me in person rather than phone appointments like before
I'm trying to distract myself and not dwell on it too much but occasionally I'll just get a stab of panic
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
