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Old 04-05-2021, 11:38 AM   #941
Cacoethes
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No she was busy.
She'll probably be too busy with ward round today anyway.

Thank you Emma

If you've read my rv rhen you'll know I'm struggling with whether things are real or not.
I don't know if there's any point in bringing this up in ward round.

I'm seeing the psychologist soon



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Old 04-05-2021, 06:39 PM   #942
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How did the ward round go?



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Old 04-05-2021, 07:15 PM   #943
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Nothing really happened
Not trying clozapine again.
Will probably be discharged later this week
So this past month or so has been completely pointless



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Old 04-05-2021, 07:29 PM   #944
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Have they suggested anything longer term? Or in terms of discharge planning? Must be really frustrating for you.





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Old 04-05-2021, 08:34 PM   #945
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Nope nothing.
They just said they'll speak to the consultant (who hasn't been in ward round for the last 2 weeks) and the cmht.
About what I do not know

It is incredibly frustrating
A nurse has spent the last hour calming me down because the voices were so bad and i got prn.
I can't deal with this

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Old 04-05-2021, 11:00 PM   #946
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Beckie, you might need your mum to come in to sort them out! It’s not right that they are leaving you in a worse if place then when you came into hospital. It’s not your fault but your also not well to be out with how much your struggling. The thing is they aren’t really supporting you.

There answer is:
Discharge you to carets coming to give you medication that they sometime forget but also don’t always have the adequate training within mental healt.
Olanzapine obvs is not helping you enough compared to whatever was holding you in the community.

You went in voluntarily because you wanted a life where you were able to go out, hold a job, swim, slimming world etc and see Jasmine and stuff but for whatever reason your body has said no to clozapine. Have they spoke to you about a referral to national psychosis unit? We have sent patient there before for advice on medication if antipsychotic are not working properly anymore but have done in the past.

But the thing is when you’re well you’re high functioning and are able to do so many things yourself and then there’s times when you are very unwell and it’s not fair in you. Beckiw I can see how hard your trying. Previously you would be discharged straight after you self harmed or you were constantly on 1:1 but you’re trying to avoid and seek support. You’re amazing but they are treating you like rubbish and it’s not fair.

Worse comes to worse maybe you need to speak to cqc about the inadequate care they are giving you.



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Old 05-05-2021, 11:00 AM   #947
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Thank you R <3

I've just messaged my mum about what happened and she is a bit shocked.

Some of the staff have said being here is making me worse but it's not. I said that to the hca that was calming me down yesterday and she agreed that hospital is not making me worse.

I'm absolutely refusing to have carers when I'm discharged. I don't like them. I don't want them.
I don't care if that means no meds. I'm not having carers again.

I do desperately want a life where i can do all those things but i can't see it happening.
They said they are going to see what other medication has worked in the past but nothing really has. Hence the clozapine.

No one has mentioned the national psychosis unit. I'm scared to bring it up in case they think I'm overreacting to my problems. Like I don't go around talking to myself or screaming and it's been pointed out that you wouldn't even know I had psychosis until you talk to me. So i don't think I'm bad enough for that.

I may well speak to the cqc.
I'll see what the outcome this week is



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Old 11-05-2021, 05:37 PM   #948
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They've said the cmht are going to look into referring me to the complex care team. Whatever that is.
The consultant wasn't there for the 3rd week in a row so nothing has changed with my medication which is clearly not working well (the olanzapine) and I'm not allowed to leave or discharge myself from the cmht (can they even do that? They can't physically force me to see anyone from the cmht)
I'm allowed one set of clothes. That's pretty much the only change.
I'm so fucking frustrated.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 11-05-2021, 05:56 PM   #949
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I'm frustrated for you. What the hell? Can you get in touch with your mum or an advocate to give them a kick up the arse? This isn't okay. You need something to change so you can get some relief and to keep moving forward. Not just to stay stuck.



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Old 11-05-2021, 06:07 PM   #950
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That isn’t great. What happened with this new medication they mentioned as an alternative to clozapine? I think it’s very reasonable to get your mum to kick some butt. Complex care/complex needs team is the team offering support for people who also have a personality disorder diagnosis. It may be that they are the people who have to be involved for you to access the distress tolerance psychology stuff.





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Old 11-05-2021, 06:11 PM   #951
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And yes, re insisting you engage in community support including CMHT etc, is something they can make a condition of your CTO (sorry, just realised I missed that question)





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Old 11-05-2021, 06:18 PM   #952
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Thanks both

I'll give my mum a message. See if she can do something.
I do feel very stuck.

I have no idea Emma.
They didn't mention medication at all.

That's weird.
Surely the psychologist could do that with me? I don't really want an entire team involved.

I'll just refuse. They can't keep me in hospital forever.



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Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 12-05-2021, 05:52 PM   #953
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I'm sorry things are so tough right now - How are you feeling today, sweet?

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Old 12-05-2021, 07:12 PM   #954
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Thanks <3

I've been really hyper for the last like howevwr long and have booked a one way ticket to Agadir!!!



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 12-05-2021, 07:46 PM   #955
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Sending you love <3

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Old 12-05-2021, 10:41 PM   #956
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Thank you :)



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 12-05-2021, 10:59 PM   #957
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Have you had your jabs? Also pretty sure Morocco has closed its borders for UK citizens as well. Plus, y’know, the being on a CTO and also IP





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Old 12-05-2021, 11:18 PM   #958
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Which jabs?

Well that sucks! Easyjet are flying there though so they MUST be open!

I'm going to ask to leave tomorrow
I feel much better!
And the CTO won't matter! I've been abroad on a CTO before!



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Old 12-05-2021, 11:27 PM   #959
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It is, of course, entirely your choice as to whether you ask or not. Just wondering what you think has changed since yesterday? Especially given less than 24hrs ago you were talking about being fed up and wanting to restrict food etc and not being allowed more than one change of clothing.

There have been flights the whole way through the pandemic, just reduced schedules. The info on restricted fly areas is on the government website. By jabs I meant the covid jabs, since most countries that DO allow visitors, also want proof of full vaccination.

Re CTO, it’s entirely possible to go abroad on a CTO if the RC believes you’re stable and not acting impulsively. Moving abroad would probably go against that, even outside pandemic time. Also worth noting you will need to cancel your claim to benefits and give notice on your flat too.





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Old 12-05-2021, 11:31 PM   #960
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If you want to go abroad, especially since you can’t go immediately, maybe suggest it to the consultant on Friday and work with them on a plan? When are you next seeing the psychologist for distress tolerance and impulse work?





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