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Old 25-04-2008, 05:57 PM   #1
Stellata
 
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insecurity bordering on paranoia

Anyone else feel so anxious and insecure they start feeling like everyone is out to get rid of you, that you're more trouble than you're worth and that your needs and feelings mean nothing - even when you've no evidence that the people you feel insecure with and about feel this way towards you?
I feel like this right now, and am working hard to keep the worst of the dark thoughts and feelings at bay, preventing them from intruding on my mind and destroying everything good.

I just would like to feel less alone with this, and would appreciate it if folks who've ever felt similar could post their experiences here.... I'm particularly facing this with regards a work situation.. and it's painful.

My family was plagued with insecurity - dad's threats to send me away being one of the culprits for this.

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Old 25-04-2008, 06:20 PM   #2
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You're not alone.
I'm almost always like that and constantly need reassurance from others. I keep asking and asking the same things and making them promise they won't abandon me, which I think just pushes them away even further but I can't help it :/

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Old 25-04-2008, 07:39 PM   #3
Squiffie_1
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Yeah, you definately arent alone. I feel like every is trying to get rid of me, and then it gets worse when, i dunno a boyfriend breaks up with me or somthing, because i was paranoid it was going to happen anyway! It makes life really uncomfortable and kind of on edge.
xxxxx



Christina xxx

I know you have a little life in you yet,
I know you have alot of strength left...


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Old 25-04-2008, 07:42 PM   #4
Shenanigans
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I understand sweetheart, and you deffinatley aren't alone!
But it's great that you're trying to hold yourself back from letting these feelings overwhelm you hun.
Sorry I'm not much help *cuddles* I hope you feel better soon though
xxx




You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge



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Old 25-04-2008, 07:51 PM   #5
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Yep I'm exactly the same.
If someone is nice to me, they have to want something, if someone says they like me, they're lying and have some ulterior motive.
It's hard but you have to remind yourself that if people stay with you through good times and the bad, then they really are there for you.



See I cannot feel this, not matter how you try and in the real world, there's no goodbyes.

Stare at the hands, you know you want to ;).

"memento vivere"


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Old 26-04-2008, 07:51 AM   #6
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Thanks everyone.

My thoughts go to "I'm more trouble than I'm worth" - at work, because of the adjustments they make for me for my illness [depression complicated by PTSD and personality disorder stuff] There's part of me that doesn't feel like I deserve it and that I should, like my father assaulted mum and I with when I was a child "go away and rot".

These self destructive and insecure thoughts actually take a lot of energy - and take away my energy and vitality. It takes energy and focus to confront them and believe in myself and others who do actually care enough about their job to care about me ["how can that even be possible?"]

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Old 27-04-2008, 10:29 PM   #7
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YES!

At one point a bit ago when i told hubby/he noticed/mentioned about my ED i really thought he had had enough, that he was done with me. I felt so frightened and insecure...

When i go out i feel ppl know im not 'normal' and are talking of me, laughing about me.

I feel ppl are avoiding me,tired of me when no one calls (most always).

I feel so scared sometimes for reasons i dont know why...but they consume me..

i feel ppl on here really dont like me..that if i met them in person they would go...'why did i bother talking to her???'

My panic/anxiety is getting stronger, i think the meds need to be upped again, ive been at same dose for AGES..and i think they are not strong enough anymore.

Anyway...yes hunni...i do understand.
If i can HELP in any way, pls just ask luv
I REALLY do understand.

Luv ya
romp

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Old 28-04-2008, 01:02 AM   #8
Accidentally Abstract
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I've felt like that before & it's horrible.

*sends hugs*

Take care. x



"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
[Marilyn Monroe]


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Old 28-04-2008, 11:09 AM   #9
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yep all the time. Except for with me there is evidence. There were people outside my window again last night.. i think they're spying on me :s



~~I'm FINE...on the outside~~
~~Beneath the surface lies a shattered heart and an exhausted soul, simply longing... just longing to be whole~~


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Old 28-04-2008, 03:52 PM   #10
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I think like this a lot. Some days its worse than others, a lot of the time I think everyone is staring at me and hates me. I feel everyone looks at me when i'm eating out.
I tend to tell myself that I'm not thinking that about anyone else I'm seeing while I'm out so why would they be thinking it about me. Sometimes makes me feel a bit better.
x



"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier."
Paulo Coelho


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Old 28-04-2008, 11:11 PM   #11
Taff
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I couldn't get more insecure I think. Most of it is justified though. Some of it isn't.

It ruins everything either way. If it's justified, nobody believes you. If it's not justified, you can't help feeling it anyways and you end up in the same mess.

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Old 29-04-2008, 06:34 PM   #12
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Thanks for your replies everyone.

It's hard isn't it?

Sometimes I just want the world to go away and leave me alone. It's like I'm trapped between living in a painful past reality, and struggling in the present with living with the 'fall out'.

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Old 06-05-2008, 03:29 AM   #13
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I grew up in a home where my only worth seemed to be in how much I did to take care of my mother and sister and the house and the yard, and in how by being a good child and a good student, I made my mother look good.

In school I was the weirdo, the person they absolutely did not want to be friends with.

I still get afraid when I feel like i'm not doing enough. That I have to earn love by helping out.

I don't like crowds and noise but now I've not even been running my errands in the quiet parts of the week. Jumping when I'm touched unexpectedly even when it is with affection, makes me feel bad for myself because I have PTSD and bad for others because I don't want them upset cause I really do like them.

Sorry for barging in on your thread.



My husband is my best friend.

In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.

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Old 06-05-2008, 04:23 AM   #14
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Yes, I can understand what you are saying. When I get very anxious, I seem to get paranoid too. There are few worse feelings then paranoia, imo. Try to talk to someone about this. I have a friend who is very good at guiding me back to reality when paranoia sets in. Do you have an anxiety disorder? I was diagnosed with general anxiety and was great when taking xanax, but now I'm off it after quite a tough time weaning down and well, it isn't a method i recommend. Take care tho, hope you feel better soon.

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