Oliver, sometimes I feel trapped inside, but that's only when one of my alters is blocking me. I think it's a bit different to what you are experiencing. Sometimes it can help me to do things that make me feel my body, like walking barefoot in our garden or taking a hot/cold shower. Has to be something I enjoy though.
Utopia, it's good that music is helping you so much. I'm getting a bit jealous ;)
Uglyduckling, I sometimes feel unwell to the point when I'm feeling sick because of emotional distress. Dunno what helps though, usually we switch eventually.
Vaulting is this:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uWBizbSEPc"]WEG Kentucky - Vaulting - Team USA - YouTube[/ame]
it's a german video so you probably don't understand what they are talking about but that's not important to understand what vaulting is anyway. The video is of the vaulting team USA at the world championship. I'm not nearly as good at vaulting, but I didn't want to post a video of someone who isn't good at it.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
thanks Jess. sorry you are feeling unwell with emotional distress, I get you, I have been sick with anxiety a few times and when you are emotionally distressed it can come out in physical symptoms.
wow Laura, I had no idea that was vaulting, I didn't even know that was such a thing, I think I thought of pole vaulting firstly and then show jumping as I remembered you like horses.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Laura you know I thought you would mean vaulting on a horse. That is truly incredible and thank you for making smile as horses always do :) thanks Oliver. I just feel hopelessly triggered raw and drained. Leaves hugs x
I'm increasingly cut off because I've been having a hard time.
I spent years in therapy changing that, but then it all hit the fan and now I'm falling back into not feeling interspersed with huge bouts of MASSIVE emotion. I'm not even stopping it.
Losing track is getting to be a nuisance, but when the alternative is to be suicidal and depressed and cryign all the time, I don't give a damn.
It is a catch 22, no?
I cannot deal with life, society or people ever otherwise.
*hugs Utopia* if ok.. it does sound kind of like a catch22. i think there IS a way for you to learn how to deal with life. I don't know it though.
Having therapy today after a 3 week break because our therapist was on holiday. There is a lot to talk about what happened during the last 3 weeks, but I kind of can't get a grip on what to talk about... dunno. probably sounds confusing.
It feels all so jumbled inside right now. I think some of the alters are ... I don't even know. It's weird.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Yeah, I think I might look into other services in the area. I just find it SO hard to be honest because I've been made to feel stupid or humiliated before for being honest because some people just don't listen or get it, then they say things don't add up, and then that I'm making it up. I feel like I have to constantly hide. Hide myself, hide my experiences and hide, hide, hide. Like Quasimodo of Notredame. I'm a freak and a monster.
So now I really hate being honest with people about how it really is for me. I am ashamed also.
Does anyone know of any other services that might help outside of traditional NHS stuff?
Could you PM me if you might have an idea so I can tell you where a bouts I am in the UK if it helps...or in general.
^ I will PM you now. I was under the NHS for 11 years and discharged myself in December 2013 as found them pretty useless. I now see a private psychologist and she's amazing, even though it's very, very difficult.
I had a hard session today.
I still can't get things out verbally. I try and when I try, I feel physically sick and I shake. I mumbled something and K asked me to repeat it as she didn't hear it.... I couldn't because I don't know what it was.
Am I going mad? :(
pretty scared, have written some stuff down for her.
This is a really good idea. I hope it goes OK for you.
Quote:
Why can't I remember what I said? I feel so mad :(
This happens to me a lot too. Often my S/O will ask me to repeat myself and I didn't realise I was talking or said anything. Do you sometimes think things and think you said it, but when you ask for a response realise that you entirely imagined speaking what you said?
Other times I repeat myself a million times too because I forget that I've said it and had that conversation already. It can be really embarrassing. Luckily my S/O is understanding and is nice about it.
^^^ and thanks for PM-ing me. :)
x
Last edited by Arienette : 11-07-2014 at 03:07 PM.
Reason: To say thanks.
We have a lot of disagreements about me not listening because of this.
I rarely remember information from appointments either. I find it embarrassing because some people equate it with being dumb and stupid, furthering said embarrassment.
And then people form these opinions of you. My CC once suggested I should look into getting into beauty therapy. I just looked at her and said "I hate those places". I wanted to slap her. ALL because she thought I was stupid. Probably because I seem so forgetful and "not-all-there". Cheers darlin'
Last edited by Arienette : 11-07-2014 at 05:07 PM.
Just got home from dentist. My mouth is numb and I can't drink because I'd drool. Can't eat as well, because I might bite my lip/tongue without even feeling it! (I think I woud taste the blood though)
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
