Graphic - I'm scared and I think I am getting worse

[Indigo.]

I dont even know where to start I feel desperate. I feel like such a failure I just can't do anything right and I do t feel like doing anything I just want to hide under a blanket until everything goes away!

First of all I've already had family issues, nothing ever went well etc

Now my mom(whom I live with) has brain cancer so our lives ate basically upside down.

And I am shit. I'm a junior in high school. My attendance is really bad I can't get up when I'm supposed to and I miss a lot of classes and on top of all that I've had this bronchitis for like two months and now it has turned into some form of asthmatic bronchitis.
My grades also suck. Though everybody keeps telling me how smart I am, I keep messing up I can't concentrate...I destroyed a chemistry test(which I like and I'm good at) by literally FORGETTING I had to write some things(things that I happen to know very well). And this was really important. :( and I've missed one of my midterms and I'm probably in trouble.


Now I'm sat in the bathroom with a lot of cuts on my arm, now that summer is just beginning :( I'm supposed to take my CAE exam next week but I didn't prepare at all for it :( and my dad just told me on the phone how good for nothing I am that he warned me not to get sick not to miss school not to fuck up. But I did I am a fuck up. And I cannot speak I don't want to say anything nobody understands...not my feelings not my bpd nothing.
I just wanted to slice myself. And I tried I tried to slice my veins hoping a lot of blood would come out and somehow calm me down but it didnt happen. So I ended up going crazy and doing some cuts all over my arm.

I'm scared I don't even know what the point if this post was...I feel so terrible I hate myself I am such a disgrace. I think I needed to tell somebody...

[Wonderland.]

Things sound rather difficult for you right now. Unfortunately with your mum having brain cancer, it is to be kind of expected that you will struggle.

Are school aware with how ill your mum is? As they may be able to give you some extra support to help you keep up more through this tough time.

[Indigo.]

Um, school sucks. At first, they thought I was LYING about my mom being ill, even though my dad was there too..
My homeroom teacher even asked for some proof that my mom really is ill.

People here don't really care about us and they all think I'm a shit person, which is probably true. Also, they don't know about my MH problems, and even if they knew, they would probably just think i'm 'crazy' and that'd be it. :(

[xxhappydaysxx]

I am sorry that you are going through so many difficult things.

I think trying to tell people that you are struggling with MH is a good place to start. I know it can be scary, but mental health illness is more common than you think and I am sure people will have some experience, either personal or from a friend or family member. Also, schools are there to support students, and if you are struggling the only way to access support is to open up to them.

With your Mom being unwell, it is important to look after yourself, and get yourself some support. It is very hard to see someone you love so ill and very draining. In order to support your Mom and enjoy time with her, you need some support too, so opening up to friends, school etc might be a good plan

[MandiPandi21]

My mother has uterine cancer, and I'm also a cutter. What I learned, that kind of helped, is there's really nothing you can do but be there for her, but that also doesn't mean she can't be there for you. Does she know about your cuts? If she doesn't, (possibly because you don't think she needs more stress? that's why I didn't tell at first) tell her. Tell her you're hurting and you're scared. Tell her WHY you're scared too. As for your father, I never really had a father, well I DID but he wasn't a very good person we'll leave it at that. So sadly I can't help you there. As for me, I like being alone, yet... not alone it's hard to explain. I just want someone to relate to, to talk to like me, and if you would like to chat more feel free to contact me I'll be more than happy to help. People say I give great advice, but don't take it myself. Heh, guess it's true. Anyway, like I said feel free to contact me :)