no energy for recovery

jaythejester · 02-11-2024, 05:34 AM

I've been in recovery for a while, and I started doing good, like really good. I was able to cook my own meals and eat 2-3 times a day. I was able to go out and get food without staring at the menu or googling the numbers or anything like that, I had finally gotten to a point where I could just order. I felt like I didn't need to push myself anymore, I had basically fully recovered.

When my mental health started to decline, everything else did too, including a return of my AN. It's not that I was afraid of food anymore, I wasn't scared the way I used to be, I just couldn't eat. Sometimes I could but it was never a full meal. Now I'm out of groceries and instead of getting up and going to the grocery store I've just been not eating. I'm so damn tired and I don't know why. I'm too tired to eat and caffeine doesn't even help that much anymore, makes me more awake but I still feel exhausted.

I don't know what to do. I don't think it's serious enough to go to a doctor or anything yet, but it's been months now and my partner started to notice too. He's been trying to make me eat every time we see each other. It doesn't feel like a relapse, but everyone around me is treating it like one. Everyone is acting the same way they did when they first found out about it years ago.

I don't know how to even start to get myself out of this slump, especially when it comes to food since that's what everyone around me is so worried about. is this something that just happens when you become an adult?

Pi.R^2 · 02-11-2024, 02:43 PM

Congratulations on all the progress you managed to make, that sounds excellent!

I'm not a professional but it doesn't sound exactly like a relapse; more like the reduced appetite and motivation that comes with low mood. However, having a history of an eating disorder means it will probably affect you worse than in people without that history and could spiral very easily very quickly. In my opinion it's definitely serious enough to see a doctor. Hopefully by treating the underlying symptoms, getting back on track with food will be much more achievable.

In the meantime do you think you could be honest with your partner and others around you? Perhaps they could help out by getting you some groceries (featuring lots of very low effort meals) and helping you have some accountability with your meals. You are undoubtedly going to feel more tired and less motivated when you're not eating properly so fixing that asap will benefit your physical and mental health!

Good luck, I really hope you're feeling better soon :)