Graphic - Suicide switch in my head
I have a huge problem with emotional contagion. But mostly when it relates to suicide. I feel suicidal on the regular, but sometimes I don't notice that I feel suicidal, or there is the rare moment where I don't feel suicidal at all.
But the second someone mentions suicide it's like there is a switch in my brain that gets pressed and I feel very suicidal. My friend's friend commited suicide recently and she found out in my presence and was distressed, I helped calm her down but my bones were shaking from suddenly feeling intensely suicidal.
Saw a local post yesterday about this person's family wanting to raise money for them, and again I remembered they committed suicide and suddenly I wanted to kill myself.
If I'm at the train station and I hear someone talk about suicide to someone else I immediately feel the impulse to jump in front of the train. I wish they were just thoughts but my body sensations are stronger than the thoughts. My heart starts racing and I have to hold on to a railing and shut my eyes as the train approaches because I'm trying to stop myself.
I don't know what to do. It's like suicide is highly triggering for me but sometimes you can't escape it :/