Conflict of Interest in therapy
Hey, I broke up with my boyfriend on Monday. We've been together for 11 months, but my anxiety and deteriorating mental health became too much for him to handle, and he needed to take a step back for himself. I miss him so much, but I 100% believe this was the right thing to happen. This isn't about me trying to win him back, because I know I have to let him go.
But I'm struggling with forgiving myself for pushing him away like this. I have tried seeing a therapist, but there was a conflict of interest in that they had previously given him therapy, and they would regularly give me 'advice' based on what they knew of him. They would tell me that they didn't think we were right for each other, and would compare my relationship to theirs and their partner, implying that I would end up being unhappy too. They even shared something from one of my exes previous sessions (regarding something he supposedly didn't tell me at the time), which in my vulnerable state at the time, I'm positive fuelled the fire.
For context, I know that I need help in healing from a previous relationship-related trauma, and I know therefore that I was far too anxious for this relationship to have actually worked. I can see that now I've had time to reflect. But I can't stop thinking about the sessions I've described above, because it was 6 months of my life, and I don't feel good about it at all. I feel like I didn't help myself by absorbing so much of the negativity, and I should have walked away sooner. If I did, I may not have ended up hurting my ex so much. He is one of the sweetest, kindest people I've met, and I'm genuinely gutted that this couldn't work, and the one thing that upsets me the most right now is knowing how much I would have hurt him.
I'm not really sure what I'm asking for. Maybe some reassurance or encouragement? Does anyone else have an experience like this?
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