I miss you. I try not to. But I do. You didn't mean to break my heart, but you did.
YOU WANKER. You have ruined my life. You hurt me like hell, bashed my self esteem, guys now think I am a tease, because I go so far and then won't do anymore, because of YOU. No matter how drunk I am, no matter how much I want to I won't let anyone do anything to me and I refuse to do anything to them. I get scared and ashamed. And it's because of you. YOU YOU YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU!!
we can do this! you know we can
I love you so much
stop telling me theres no point
theres every point
i dont know how to carry on without you
your everything to me, and no matter how much i pretend i know its true. im nothing without you.
i love you
i just don't know what to think now.
i don't know how to feel.
i don't know what i feel.
its not your fault okay?
i won't let you feel its your fault.
i just think too much of nothing.
i want to know.
but i don't want to talk.
Why can't I just tell you about this? You deserve to know... yet I don't want to worry you over this... It's not worth it... I hate all my contradicting feelings
If I was beautiful, you could easily love me. I can see theres something between us, but it will never amount to more than fiends. Yeah you have a girlfriend, you don't seem exactly bothered by her. Shes gorgeous, I haven't got a hope in hell. I don't even know if I would want a hope in hell of being with you anyway, you are younger than me, (ok not that much but still) you talk about women like they are objects, I know all guys do it but I guess hearing it everyday is a bit off for me. Though, I tried not to develop a crush on you, tbh it isn't working.
I'm too fat for you, If I was smaller - with a nicer face and a better body you could love me. You could probably love me the way I am now, if you could see past the fat. If I wasn't too scared to show myself to you the way I want to, the way guys have treated me in the past, has a big effect on how I act around you and our friends. You don't know me, You might never know me. Tbh I don't even know what I am on about anymore.
You couldn't even begin to understand why, could you? I know I tell you some bullshit story of how it's cse of food. But you really don't realise it's because of you? I'm scared of getting close to you because I don't think I can handle it. Notice how I only did things to myself only after we started talking again. I miss you, but I can't do this hun.
I'm scared you're going to let me down again, that I shouldn't trust you. But I want to believe you, I want to talk to you. I need you more than you know, but I think I'm too much for you to deal with. I can't seem to leave you alone though. You mean everything to me. Please keep your word about tonight...
But it's too late to be real, no time to be strong enough just time to leave it all behind, memory has become pain
You're tender and you're tired
You can't be bothered to decide whether you live or die
or just forget about your life
Drift away and die, never say goodbye Drift away and die
Never say goodbye
Drift away and die
you make me feel safe.
so goddamn safe its crazy.
in your arms i felt surrounded.
protected.
i felt.
gosh.
please be here soon.
i need to talk to you.
please.
to you: i try to forgive you, but it's difficult when i have to forgive so often. i love you. i wish i could fix our relationship, but i don't think that's possible. i still love you.
to you: thank you.
to you: i love you. i wish you loved me back.
to you: i wish i knew what you were thinking. i'm so happy that you talked to me again, but it still hurts. thank you for talking though- at least it's not killing me.
to you: i wanna kiss you. is that a bad thing? of course... i'm a Christian... i'm not supposed to say that- especially to you, but it's true.
to you: i'm so happy you have a job now. what i can't tell you is that i'm jealous- i feel like a failure cuz i can't get one too.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : trigger?
I won't be on RYL much right now because I'm REALLY triggered, but I'm safe... so don't worry...
um, i fucken hate u again coz u make me feel like shit. i thought we was ok n maybe we was gunna be in love but then u fuck up in my face n just make me feel like im not good enuff (yet again). i hate ur fucken fat guts coz u just dont realise u gotta good thing rite here that could treat u rite but oh no, u gotta think the grass is greener on the other side just coz we're both 'single' FUCK U! kunt.
firstly - im sorry for everything, that i might have ever done and tat yuv been through. youre the best friend ive ever had and yu mean so much to me, i wish we could have been there for each other, not just me being selfish not seeing your problems, i hate that i did that and im so sorry for being a rubbish friends when you needed me. though im not sure if you really did need me... i want so much for you to be happy, and im sure in time we both will be.
to somone else - im sorry you didnt want to talk, i hope your getting better. youre so amazing,i hope you know that. love you poodle!
"We couldn't imagine the emptiness of a creature who put a razor to her wrists and opened her veins, the emptiness and the calm."
- Jeffrey Eugenides
we could have gone on for a long time but i go and fuck it up. but u did aswell in london i wasnt ready thats wat got me all confused and i wasnt in the best of moods.
i didnt mean for it to go to court, u didnt have to plead guilty i would have told them how i was just making it all up, just so i could see u again.
i really need u coz of u i pass maths last year this year im a big ugly useless failure and its all my fault. i still love you i may not have shown it all the time but u told me not to.
u only have 5 and a half months left on ur sentence. there is so much i want and need to ask u and i just wished i hadnt fucked it all up.
getting better slowly everyday
with the man that will make me
the happiest woman alive
iiss aa ddoouubbllee lleetteerr tthhrreeaaddeerr
Whishing on the stars never got me anywhere. It made me think through things with more care.
No.1 : Serves you right you cheating little whore.
No.2: Stop fucking acting like we're still together, there's a reason why I left.
No.3: I wish you'd talk to me again. Just so I can tell you how much you hurt me. Make you feel terrible about yourself. And then confess your love for me and ask to see me and then..what? No, that's absurd. Nevermind. Stay a cold bastard.
No.4: Because of you I have nothing left of my sister. You've taken over and now I'm alone. At least Pete included me, at least he tried for me. All you see is my sister. You arrogant pompous motherfucker. You're just as fucked up as the rest of us.
I'm starting to care less and less. After all these months maybe something good will come my way and I'll feel nothing for you at all. I don't mean to be cold or hurtful but that attitude is bred from its surroundings.
I'm not yours anymore so let me move on without guilt.
Just let me live a life. I'm almost happy now, I think I deserve the full feeling.
