I started when I was 15. I'm 18 now. Something happened that smashed my world into pieces totally and I blamed myself. So I started doing it to punish myself. It was like when you hate someone so much and you just want to cause them as much physical pain as possible - apart from the person I hated was myself and I wanted to cause myself the pain.
Then it changed, it started to make me feel better. I just felt my problems drain away (for an hour or so). I stopped for 9 months but started again the other day.
looks like we all just want the chance to tell our story. this is a great thread.
I started when I was 8. Up until then, my father would beat me whenever I did something wrong...he was getting rid of the "bad". When I was 8, my mum took him to court to try and get sole custody of me...I broke down in front of the judge and said I didn't want to not see my father anymore, I just wanted him not to hurt me so bad. Custody stayed as it was, and my father got a warning that he (shockingly) listened to. But nothing really changed. He still didn't love me like I wanted him to. He still got that look in his eyes when I did something wrong. I hated myself for never being good enough and, with a child's logic, thought that if I hurt myself for him, it would make me clean again. So I started burning and starving myself (though as an 8 year old, I lacked the willpower to really stop eating). Trying to be good enough. When my father OD'ed and got arrested for selling drugs, I moved in with my mother and stopped...but the feelings didn't go away, and I started cutting a few months later. Aaaand then the not eating came back. And I still struggle with both, and a whole bunch of other self-destructive behaviors, but I'm learning not to listen to the lies anymore...
Last edited by aquatickitten : 28-11-2008 at 04:59 AM.
Reason: spelling
My friend OD'd to try and kill herself. I was jealous, I never really thought about it, i.e killing yourself until then. Then I realised that killing yourself would end the pain. I was 13. I tried to cut my wrists but it hurt too much so I decided to practice on my arms. It made me feel better. Those tiny cuts, made me feel a bit more alive. So I kept going. And my self harm developed from there.
started a little over 5 years ago. ill be 20 next month.
basically the idea of cutting came to me from knowing someone that did it.
i used it as an alternative to release frustration ive had since i can remember.
turns out it wasnt the best alternative.
when i was in school there was this game called 99ers where u would carve different pictures into your skin, that was when i was 12 and had no idea it was self harming as everyone done it...
when i turned 13 which is 5 years ago now i had a lot going on with family and friends and stuff and i read it in a magazine about how another girl self harmed to vent her frustrations so i thought i gave it a try.
i then stopped for about a year and then a lot of sh*t had happened so i started again
Each tear drop falls with sorrow, hoping and praying for another tomorrow!
I started hurting myself when I was REALLY young, but I didn't realize how wrong it was. I just thought I was punishing myself. When I started getting older, I new it was wrong. And I found more harmful ways of injury...Sometimes things got so bad that I felt I had no other choice but to cut. I had an urge, an impulse, to cause pain. I still do sometimes...but my best friend figured out what I've being doing to myself, and she's helping me get throught it.
I started because I didn't know how else to deal with the pain I felt inside.
I'm not exactly sure when I started cutting, maybe last spring. But I'd been SI for a long, long time, just didn't realize that's what it was. I started digging my nails into my hands to dissociate from abuse from my ex. I wasn't allowed to cry or scream when he hurt me, or he would get angry and things would get even worse. Funny, I thought everything would get better after I left him, but it escalated from digging my nails into my hands to digging keys into my hands, then using kitchen knives, then razor blades and scalpels. But I always did it where no one would see it, because I didn't want anyone to know. I was afraid if anyone asked, I would start crying and never stop. I was able to stop for about a month, then relapsed again. Still trying to stop completely.
i started when i was barely 14. and im 19 today. so its been 5 years. and the first time i did it, i was talking to a friend about suicide and asked her if she'd eveer tried it. (she was like 3 years older than me.) and she said kind of, not really though. and i asked what she meant and she said i cut myself sometimes. and i asked with what and she said a knife or my razor in the shower. that was the first time i'd ever really heard about it. she explained why so i thought hey, im gonna try that because i fcking suck at life.. i had had a really bad game that night, wasnt my fault at all that we lost but i always felt responsible. so i did it... and the rest, as they say, is history..
i just found out that one of my friends that are totally preppy and you would never think that she would do anything like SI, did. she did it over the summer becasue her dad landed him self in jail.. again. when he promissed her that he wouldnt go back. it was a pinki promis. to them, that was a thing that if you break a pinki promis that you would have about a year or so to finally be forgiven. so yeah.. that was shocking but we hide our scars very well. you never know.
I started when I was about 11 I think. Being bullied at school started me off with small things, using stuff to scratch off skin. Kids are evil, picking out any imperfection or perceived slight, and since I was overweight I was a prime target.
Then my brother let his mate rape me and it became habit from there.
That was 22 years ago. I think I've had a year or two when I was in college when I didn't do anything, but mostly I seem to be able to hold off for about 3-4 months, then have a blitz, then hold off again.
The skin on my arms is now all scars, but since I don't actually 'cut' as such (not going to tip share), but do create larger wounds, most people wouldn't notice that it's all scars. Unless there's a fresh one.
Loz x
You don't have to be a monkey to recognize a banana!
I started 5 years ago, I was being bullied and I hated myself because of it. Just needed to feel as if I had some control over the situation and punish myself for the fact that I was being bullied, if that makes any sense.
Not sure, i went through a habit when i was really young of trying to hurt myself whenever i did something wrong.. to punish myself. I remember properly doing it when i was about 14.. once.. I think because I was unhappy at home and at school. After that it was about 5 years until I properly did it again, which was last year and that was because i felt letdown by someone at work and I needed to gain some sort of control from the situation.
im trying to go to the dambed councler at my school but she is never fxcking here! im so pxssed off because i have been trying sence last year to try to see her but NOOOOO shes never here!!! but when she is, she can't see me. am i not important enough? am i just another kid that helps her get paid.. oh my god. does she get payed by how many kids she sees? holly crap thats sick! im mad. im probably the most dangerouse kid to themselves on campus!
i was about 14, and i did it because i had just moved house to a place i hated, i'd just started my period and felt all weird, the boy i thought i loved rejected me and i felt like i had no friends. it was all linked i think to be at a boarding school with no other way of escaping.
just started by scratching myself with pins, then with a penknife, then punching myself. only did it once or twice a term at the beginning, now a lot more sadly :(
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know, right now you can't tell. But stay a while and maybe then you'll see A different side of me Unwell - Matchbox 20
"Why inflict pain on oneself, when so many others are ready to save us the trouble?"
George Pacaud (1879 - 1937)
I cut for the first time when I was 14, cause I felt like I deserved it. I didn't think that I deserved to get help. It was a really small cut, so I didn't think it mattered. then I just kept on trying to hurt myself worse after that.....