Just thought I’d wade in. I used to have clear cut Mania/hypomania. As I’ve gotten a bit older though than Mixed episodes are my usual ‘episode’ and I feel for you cos they absolutely suck! I would rather be depressed than mixed. It’s like you feel like shit but the agitation is physical and it hurts to be still, but at the same time you just want to curl up and die because your mood is so shit. One minute you’re laughing (but not really sure why) and the next crying (again not sure why). And it’s almost impossible to explain because how can I be laughing whilst inside it feels like I’m being pulled apart and nothing makes sense. Or at least that’s how it is for me.
I’ve also found mixed episodes are not well understood by staff and that’s nobody’s fault, it’s a lack of training etc. Usually takes a decent doctor to diagnose mine. Less experienced staff or nurses put it down to ‘behaviour’ cos they don’t get it. Unless they have known me for a while- like my last couple of CCs and a couple of crisis team nurses.
What I’ve found to help though is kind of doing the opposite. So when I want to pace and shit....forcing myself not to and to do some calming stuff instead. Kind of like with mania, the more I do, the more I WANT to do and the more agitated I get.
Same as suicidal and self harm shit.....like after I’ve harmed it might settle briefly, but it will come back and worse. The longer it’s ridden out, the less strong the urges etc. And I guess this is where distress tolerance etc comes in.
Maybe Camden
It's hard to remember!
Ah it could be.
That's almost exactly what I'm feeling Emma!
The lack of training thing would make sense.
All the staff I've spoken to so far are just like, you should talk to the doctor about this.
They have been pretty good at listening to my weird ramblings though!
I'll try that Emma. One staff has said that pacing will make it worse and it does.
I have colouring stuff and wireless earphones. I find listening to stuff like pink floyd helpful. Not the usual rock/alternative that i usually listen to which is more fast paced and make me even more frustrated!
Thanks for the replies everyone :)
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Was it not MH professionals who suggested supported housing in the first place?????
This is ridiculous!
So are they just saying you have to do this forever all by yourself with the potential of being stuck on a loop of being admitted, getting out, being admitted etc rather than sort out a safe place that could be crucial to avoid this and be a way to get you the support for long term stability???
You should tell them your German friend disagrees!
Do you think you'll be okay if they let you go home on Friday?
I guess with the diazepam though it might be a lot more manageable for you as that hopefully takes the edge of the agitation.
I posted earlier but then thought maybe I was being over the top so I deleted, but Lana's reaction makes me think I wasn't lol.
What I had written was that I think it's kind of bizarre that they're happy to pay for regular admissions, which I'm sure costs them MORE, but somehow now they're unhappy and don't want to pay for supported housing which might allow you to stay in the community while you're still getting stabilized. I'm sorry they're being so inconsistent.
I am happy there's an end to the admission in sight but please do keep being honest with them if you think there's any risk leaving on Friday!
Yes it was the professionals (many of them!) That thought of supported housing in the first place. It is very confusing.
I'm really hoping this mixed episode will calm down by Friday. But if it doesn't then i will be honest with them about it.
You have a very good point Logan, it is bizarre! I'm sure it does cost them more!
They are saying the carers are sufficient but most of the carers are crap and don't know how to talk to me or, i imagine, anyone! It's so so awkward so no way am i opening up to some child who has been on the job for two seconds and clearly doesn't want to be there!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I posted earlier but then thought maybe I was being over the top so I deleted, but Lana's reaction makes me think I wasn't lol.
I have BPD, my people's whole gimmick is that we overreact, so I wouldn't use me as a guideline as to what is an appropriate amount of outrage :P
Beckie - don't get me started on the whole concept of not having carers that specialize in MH for people who need them for MH reasons!
The NHS shall forever trigger and fuel my anger with their General Nonsense and Lack of Common Sense!
I am sure you will be able to stay alive without the supported housing, but the NHS really needs to stop thinking that that is the end goal and that you only treat people once you feel they will die otherwise.
This whole pandemic has highlighted the failures of the NHS/the government to properly fund the NHS and they are still refusing to actually correct that. I am furious in general and on your behalf in particular because unfortunately (in England) there is no denying that concerns re funding were part of the decision making process.
I'll stop rambling now to not stray too far off topic, but basically, just because someone decides there are no resources for you to get the help that you need and deserve doesn't change the fact that you most definitely need and deserve that support.
Thanks Lana
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks these things about the nhs!
I mean, I'm very grateful for free healthcare but as you said, it's underfunded.
You make a lot of sense.
I told my mum about it and she said she wants to speak to the cmht about it which will hopefully provide a better answer than 'I don't need it'.
Today has been a bit better. The diazepam is helping i think. I'm still restless so I'm pacing a lot still (which i keep getting told off for) lol
I'm also still suicidal af and I'm 100% sure that I'd kill myself if i was released today.
So i have 2 more days to get my shit together so i can go home and be safe
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm also still suicidal af and I'm 100% sure that I'd kill myself if i was released today.
So i have 2 more days to get my shit together so i can go home and be safe
I have to say that this doesn't fill me with confidence that you will be ready to home tomorrow, sorry! Are you able to communicate the level of risk to someone there?
I tried to kill myself last night so home will not be happening tomorrow.
Also my clozapine bloods came back red so they.had to stop it again.
Also they said yesterday that my sodium is really low and they are restricting my fluids but today the sodium is back to normal and they said that's impossible so they've just taken more blood now. It is all very annoying.
I feel like absolute crap and don't particularly want to stay safe but they stripped my room again.
Sorry for the ramble
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Where are you with the Clozapine? I thought you would have only left when you were settled on that. Have you spoken to anyone about your fears about going home?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
