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Old 09-09-2021, 10:08 PM   #701
Darkwings44
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yeah i guess...



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
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Old 12-09-2021, 05:05 PM   #702
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im feeling extremly triggered and i ran out of areas to bite myself.................. i have nothing to cut with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
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~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 14-09-2021, 12:24 AM   #703
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I sent a letter to Santa To my mommy she said that she wouldn’t read it (I asked her about it before I sent it to her)
Here’s the letter

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Might be triggering
Dear Santa I realize that you can’t do miracles but I want you to know that I have been praying for a tool that is retractable and that is small enough to be in my pocket and not be noticed by others please do consider to think about it
many hugs and love
therese

__
Do you think that he will get me it? I hope so…..



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 14-09-2021, 12:34 AM   #704
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To be perfectly honest, no, he won't get you that as a present. Do you even know what Santa represents? Goodness and caring and the best qualities of people. He rewards people who have been good. He won't condone or aid you to to hurt yourself. No one Good would ever help you with that, whether God, fictional or friend.

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Old 14-09-2021, 12:52 AM   #705
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I’m sorry I just feel so lost without something to self harm with and with the holidays coming I need to self harm because the holidays comes with a lot of self hatred and stress because I have to be reminded that everyone’s life I know in real life is going perfect and that I’m alone with everything I’m feeling so I’m sorry……….



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 14-09-2021, 12:59 AM   #706
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I understand. You don't need to be sorry, but it's also worth remembering that most peoples' lives aren't perfect, even if they seem to be from your perspective and that is not a reason to hurt yourself because you mistakenly perceive "everyone elses'" situations to be perfect. Comparing yourself to others is never good and can only make the self hatred worse, particularly when it's not justified. But despite that, you're never alone. You don't need to self harm - you've got through hard times before without it. Maybe now is a time to try doing something nice for yourself instead?

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Old 14-09-2021, 07:45 AM   #707
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I agree with nonperson. Perhaps now is the time to show yourself a bit of self care. Things like having a bubble bath with your favourite scent or getting an premium brand of candy from the candy store. Or is there some sort of reward such as a dvd/book/video game that you don't currently have but really want to own? Maybe you could challenge yourself to be an month SI free and think "hey if I am still free in an month's time then I will buy x". Having some sort of reward in mind really kept me going for when I was x months free when I felt like SIng in the past.


Last edited by not_so_insig : 14-09-2021 at 07:53 AM.


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"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
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RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013

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Old 15-09-2021, 12:15 AM   #708
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i dont think i can be nice to me..... i dont derseve it at all!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 16-09-2021, 01:54 AM   #709
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im dreading the holidays my cousins will be undoubtable be at my parents house at thanksgiving and christmas
both times in the past they hurted me....... im really wanting a tool so i know that if shit (being with my cousins or anything esle thats bad) happens that i can deal with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 17-09-2021, 05:28 AM   #710
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Why do you have to see your mom? Perhaps it's time to stand up for yourself and say to your mom that you won't see her if your cousins definitely going to be there. I get that seeing family is important during the holidays but at the end of the day nobody is forced to. Especially considering the fact you don't live under their roof.

Thanksgiving is 2 months away and Christmas 3 maybe now is the time to spend as much time as possible with your mom away from your cousins so that you don't have to see her during the holidays. Alternatively you could spend the time between now and Thanksgiving practicing being assertive so that if you're forced to see your cousins and they start being nasty that you won't stand for their behaviour. It will probably improve your mood without resorting to sh. Tbh you don't sound like you can deal with "it" if self harm is your outcome.


Last edited by not_so_insig : 17-09-2021 at 05:33 AM.


Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013

Please do not pm me without asking first as l find getting PMs very stressful.

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Old 19-09-2021, 08:09 PM   #711
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i dont know if i can............ because even though i would be away from my cousions i would miss being at my home with the rest of my family im sorry.......


im going go to the store and hopefully find something that could help end my life with but i dont know if i can or not because of the staff that would be with me but i really really have to because i cant take another secound of this life !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 19-09-2021 at 08:14 PM.


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 19-09-2021, 11:25 PM   #712
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Dont be sorry it's perfectly understandable you want to spend time with your mom especially over the holidays.

Do you want to talk about why you feel you have to harm yourself? Have you thought that about the fact that you might not be trusted to go out if every time you're out you buy tools to harm yourself? That you could potentially get into serious trouble if you harm yourself. I get that you're upset though.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013

Please do not pm me without asking first as l find getting PMs very stressful.

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Old 20-09-2021, 10:08 PM   #713
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i didnt even get the chance to go look inside the store.... the staff didnt let me go in the store.... so they just bought me some candy.......



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 23-09-2021, 10:05 PM   #714
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i feel so bad.... i cant put into words how exactly i feel.... its all too munch!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 27-09-2021, 11:21 PM   #715
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All of my thoughts are about suicide and all that I feel is that feeling of pain and that feeling is overwhelming and I can’t take it anymore!!!!!! but I have no way to do anything about it!!!! I have no way to die and no way to cope with all that I feel!!!!!! I have no idea what to do!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 28-09-2021, 07:49 PM   #716
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I am sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed by pain and suicidal thoughts. Do you know what is causing the suicidal thoughts?



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 28-09-2021, 10:06 PM   #717
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......everything...............life in genrel......... in october i have to get a pap test then november is thanksgiving and december is christmas which i really think my counsins are going to hurt me just because they can....... and they can because all im good for is to be hurt thats all im worth...... i hate myself so much being related to them!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know........ gah...... i really really dont want to be alive anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 29-09-2021, 05:18 PM   #718
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Do you parents know about the issues with your cousins? I would hope that if you told them, they would make sure not to invite your cousins or to at least arrange some time for you to visit when they won't be there.



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 30-09-2021, 01:23 AM   #719
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yes......and also no....... they wont believe me about the abuse............



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 30-09-2021, 11:23 PM   #720
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Tomorrow I’m going to have lunch with my mom so hopefully we will have a good time……



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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