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Old 23-11-2020, 11:31 AM   #2601
one_step_closer
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Thanks.

I'm falling down so quickly, crashing, and I don't know what to do about it. Before I would try hard to phone my CPN but I obviously can't now since she's off sick. No one else listens properly, understands me, and takes action. I'm in emotional agony about having to face up to every single day. It doesn't even help to take things one day at a time and just focus on this one day because this one day is awful. I phoned the informal crisis team last night and my previous key worker answered and I stupidly hung up. She only very rarely works on crisis because she's studying and isn't doing the main support things with the organisation any more. There's nothing I can say to make anyone understand anything and it's entirely my fault because my words are weak.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 23-11-2020, 09:24 PM   #2602
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I've read, I've heard, I care. Please stay with us, you deserve to feel good and I believe it will happen.



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 24-11-2020, 06:10 PM   #2603
one_step_closer
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Thanks.

I think I'm ready to give up but there are so many practicalities that would get in the way. If I fall any further I may not consider the practicalities any more and just push through them. I don't know what to do because I can't tell anyone since I can't make phone calls easily and I feel like no one really hears me other than my CPN. They don't know me well enough. I'm alone and trapped.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 27-11-2020, 05:03 PM   #2604
Pi.R^2
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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I can appreciate that you feel like your CPN is the only one who would understand, and you're probably right that other people wouldn't be as good at responding to you but maybe they could still help a bit? And maybe over time they will get to know you and be able to understand in the way that your CPN does.



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 27-11-2020, 06:13 PM   #2605
one_step_closer
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Thanks. I don't feel comfortable asking for more support from the stand in CPN. At this point my own CPN would either increase my support or think about a short hospital stay, I can't say these things to the stand in CPN. She sent me workbooks which shows that she really doesn't know me, in my opinion I'm way too far in my mental illness journey for workbooks to have any effect.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 01-12-2020, 08:10 PM   #2606
Pi.R^2
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Well, I can see why you'd find workbooks to be a unhelpful suggestion, but in fairness the stand-in CPN isn't really expected to know you super-well yet, but given the chance maybe she would get to know better. For example, you could explain why you don't find the workbooks helpful and that gives her a bit more insight into you and your struggles.

I know you just want your old CPN back, but currently that's not an option due to her being unwell so could trying to get to know her replacement (and vice versa) a little better be the best option? Or indeed, least worst option!



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 02-12-2020, 12:10 PM   #2607
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It feels like there's so much to explain about me and I can't even explain it in tiny bits. I'm mute, especially on the phone with professionals who don't know me. I don't know how to make the calls with the stand in CPN any better, it's my fault. I am very low on words so the stand in CPN might find it hard to pick out what I'm trying to say. I'm trying, I'm trying. I am grateful for any support I have. If it's just going to be a rushed lacking in understanding call I'll have to just be thankful for human contact and hope that she can talk to me regularly instead of changing my appointment times so much.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old Today, 01:01 PM   #2608
Cacoethes
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Would it help to have like a bullet point list of things that you think are most important for the stand in cpn to know?
Or could you ask for a face to face appointment? I know it's hard because of covid but it sounds like you really need the support



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old Today, 02:58 PM   #2609
one_step_closer
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I usually write something but it's hard to incorporate things into a discussion because of course conversation is not one way. The health centre is still closed but the stand in CPN said maybe we could go for a walk, I'm not sure what I'd rather do. I'm waiting for her phoning to arrange an appointment but I don't know when that will be.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old Today, 04:22 PM   #2610
Cacoethes
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Yes that's true.
Could you try saying something like 'i have some things to say' so she can give you a chance to tell her what you've written down?
A walk could be good.
Has she not given another appointment? That's appalling



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old Today, 05:54 PM   #2611
one_step_closer
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She was off last week and was meant to be back this week but wasn't. She had an operation so maybe she needed more rest time. I don't know when she'll be back. I'm not very good at steering the conversation and I'd feel rude telling her what I need to say. I will try though, my notes for her are very short right now, it's been so long since I've spoken to her that I can't go through everything but I have mentioned the main thing that has a hold over me.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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