You really let me down.
I wish that for once I'd cross your mind,
And that for a second, you'd miss me.
Something, anything about me.
But if you ever were reminded, I'm sure it wouldn't be good.
Just a nervousness for how you'll explain me away in situations.
Or maybe even how grateful you are that I'm not there.
For the most part though, I'm convinced that I'm completely gone to you.
I have to believe that,
Because if it wasn't true, than there might be something worth fighting for.
And I can't fight you anymore.
You completely crushed me over and over and I quit.
I read your message three times through and haven't looked at it since,
because it's bullshit.
You said you're sorry.
But I know this isn't how it feels to have someone care about you.
This isn't even how it feels to have had someone care about you.
But one time you did.
Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak.
Sometimes it just means you're strong enough to let go.
I try to do it right ,
I try to not let it rule my life,
have you ever hurt
to where life seems to be the worst?
I have hurt to where there was no reason to go anymore
no reason to do anything
but as it may i had to stay
I could not bare to go away
to not see my mothers face
but it hurts to be hated
it hurts to be seen
I hurts for everything not to be as peachy and fine as i make it seem
why are they so mean
how could someone hold that much hate
it could be my fate
1) I can't help that I still care. When I shouldn't, but I still do.
He's twisted the whole thing to make himself the injured puppy, neglecting to mention any of the abuse I endured. He convinces everyone of our friends not to see me, which kills me. And at times I really do hate him. But I still care. It's a flaw.
2) I'm so so SO sick of always failing. And I have no idea how not to fail anymore it seems.
3) You used to be so supportive. And now i'm just a nuisance.
If I could change the way my mind tricks me into thinking, believe me I would have done it years ago.
I don't know how I can keep on. I'm so used to drowning, I've forgotten how to swim.
Little Angel go away..Come again some other day..The Devil has my ear today I'll never hear a word you say...
I'm mad at you now. Yes, mad. For a year now I've tiptoed around you in case I make you do it again. You said you shouldn't have told anyone but in fact you shouldn't have done it in the first place. And multiple times. And then told me it was because of me. Well thanks very much. How am I mean to live with myself knowing that? And you won't even talk about it so I'm left to feel guilty and try deal with it on my own. Well guess what, I can't, and I can't just forget it and act like it never happened. It did happen and I'm mad about it. Sure your boyfriend doesn't talk about it, but you didn't blame him, did you? I'm the one who was rejected, why did you want to die. I can't talk to you like nothing happened. It's all been brought up by the news. What's the point in talking to you anyway, you don't even respond, Only with yeah and I'm fine. Then I feel I'm pissing you off all the time. When I tried to ask for advice all I got was yeah and you agreeing I'd be wasting everyone's time if I try to go for my dream. Most of the stuff you tell me is probably bullshit anyway. How come I've never seen photos with all the celebrities you claim to know? You're a photographer, it's not like you're not into photos. And if I knew a celebrity I knew you love and have a crush on, I'd ask him to say hello to you. What happened to all the classes etc you were doing (which just happened to be ones I want to do) and the band you're in, which were all mentioned once and never again? You're full of shit. Convenient too how your stalker just disappeared as soon as she got us back in touch. I just can't deal with you right now. Everyone just lets me down in the end.
I didn't expect you to seem so upset with me, people don't usually respond that way. So why is it that I still don't trust that I'm not a burden?
I want a hug so goddamn badly. I wish you were closer. I wish I could say that.
'Im going to find someone who will love me not only for me but for my scars as well, I am going to find someone who will love me despite my mistakes and inefficiencies. I will find someone who will tell me I am beautiful because I am beautiful and even though I have done some ugly things to myself it is still part of me and therefore still beautiful.'
Help me please...I kind of want u to say maybe a stint in Gwenda wud be useful but I don't want u to think I'm not trying I just need some more support my friends r great but they r getting sick of my episodes n moaning