Had a really good GP appointment. We have agreed he will write to CMHT and pushback on fact they discharged me
Letter will:
- explain things have been worse suicidal thoughts and self harm wise since the assessment,
- explain that IAPT doesn't seem an appropriate service they won't take me on now due to risk levels(cirrent self harm, suicidal idealation) and while I will really try to get self harm etc. under control we don't know how realistic that is. And they can't guarantee if I lowered my risk level that they would take me on.
- Due to FND and interactions between that trauma related symptoms and depression my case is more complex and not suitable to be managed in primary care (they discharged me back to GP).
- say that while we hope charity group will be helpful they can't provide EMDR. Also that I haven't heard from them yet but due to complexity of my case he has concerns on whether they will feel able to support me.
There were a few bits where he misunderstood bits like he thought university research study was some kind of treatment rather than me volunteering to help someone and them getting concerned. And when I mentioned someone at first response mentioned to ask about PCN nurse he thought CMHT had recommended that. But I think I cleared up the misunderstandings.
Basically GP is going to fight CMHT to try and get me right support. He also said that if I think EMDR is appropriate treatment (which I do especially due to neuropsychogist recommending it) he trusts my judgement and will try and help me access it. Neither of us are particularly confident that they will listen to him, but we are going to try.
Really feeling low. Struggling with suicidal thoughts. And the mental impact of having to call ambulances three times this week for my asthma and spending the time in A&E.
I have RV'd a lot. Mostly because I haven't felt like its anything anyone else can fix. And because I feel like a broken record of wanting out but not acting on that. But I could really use some support.
Just feel like I am breaking under the pressure of FNd, asthma, depression, trauma etc. like the load is too heavy.
That is a heavy load, i think i would feel the same way. It’s not fair. I know chronic things are especially hard. Keep talking to people and expressing your views about getting some support. Try and add as many nice things into your days as you can like short trips as i know it can help you to get out of the house. I’m sorry i can’t offer much but i hear you and it’s ok to keep posting here.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thanks for your kind words Lindsay especially when you are going through a tough time yourself at the moment.
Today has been a mostly good day have worked hard to enjoy myself and do positive things/ live in the moment. But had a text from my GP re: EMDR this afternoon that was a hard read.
He has looked over letter from CMHT and email from IAPT and says they have both advised to seek EMDR when I am feeling 'more stable'. He says he can only imagine the frustration of being advised to access therapy to help but that therapy only being available when I am feeling better. But he is not sure how we can get around this barrier.
Which isn't the most encouraging message to receive. He said to let him know if I want to follow up and says we can try writing back to IAPT in a month or two and ask them to review as it might help.
I guess I am concerned that without EMDR things will never get better/stable enough to access EMDR through IAPT. And concerned that one of their stability criteria was not being admitted to hospital for asthma regularly (Because hospital is a trauma trigger). And I am trying to work with specialists on getting asthma under control but it's taking a long time to get specialist appointments and my case is complicated.
And also concerned that if I did manage to become more mentally stable with just recovery/ support worker (which I would love to achieve just am not sure is realistic), then IAPT will do an assessment and decide I am too complex for their service to manage.
And If IAPT turn me down I will have to find EMDR somewhere else and will have wasted months when I could have been on a waiting list elsewhere. Like obviously increased stability wouldn't be a waste but waiting lists only start from the day you are referred to them.
Also I still have heard nothing about recovery worker and the post assessment letter telling me I had been referred for one was dated 15th January, so 5 weeks ago. And I have no contact details for where I have been referred to so can't chase the organisation directly. Might try and get CMHT to give me contact details for organisation tomorrow if I can get through on the phone. But the CMHT suck at answering the phone.
Last edited by long road : 20-02-2024 at 10:56 PM.
I’m sorry your good day was spoiled. It’s so complicated getting support. What happens when you can’t get through to the cmht? Do they have voicemail or does it just ring out? I hope you can get through to them today. Do you have anything enjoyable planned for today?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It wasn't spoiled as such I still had good bits but there were difficult bits too. Been trying to accept both and not say that a difficult bit ruins the day. Sure the text and the associated disappointment wasnt pleasant but it wasn't the whole day.
Not phoned CMHT as been taking it easy today. Then had my partners parents visiting this afternoon. They have a voicemail but when I left a message there I never got a response so it's a case of just ringing until someone answers the phone.
That’s a better attitude to have, so you can still enjoy the positive things. That’s rubbish that you don’t get a reply if you leave a voicemail. You’d think the cmht ust want to ignore everyone unless they themselves have something to say.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I mean they might reply to some messages but having left one before and not got a reply I dont have much hope of them getting back to me! I actually called just now on the off chance I could get through and it went straight to voicemail.
I am very tired and achy and a bit low. Think I may give eup on today and close my eyes.
Struggling today. SH thoughts and a wrongness that is very hard to put into words.
But in positive news phoned CMHT just now and got through to a person! In less positive news she knew nothing about organisation I have been referred to but is going to contact the person who did my assessment and try and get some contact details for me.
Sorry that you're having a bad day and that the CMHT person didn't know the information required!! Hope she gets back to you soon with some better answers.
What have you got scheduled for today? What distractions/techniques are you using to deal with the SH urges?
Hopefully she or someone else will get back to me. Not super confident that will be the case though, I have phoned and spoken to someone at CMHT before, had them say they will get back to me with info and then just not. But maybe this time they will be efficient?
I phoned local charity helpline earlier and had a chat which helped a little, tried the meditation charity person recommended (would try again) and then used music and Lego building as a distraction. Lego model is now finished.
Music and Lego lifted mood but now tiredness has set in and feeling low again. Think I am going to go rest. Plans for this evening are to play an RPG online with friends. Possibly going to watch a film with partner this afternoon.
Well got a reply confirming they referred me to organisation and that I am on waiting list. No contact details still though. So indeterminately long waiting list it is.
That's useful to know but also not very many details that it would be better if you knew. I hope the waiting list isn't too long. Did you get to RPG and watch a film yesterday evening. How are you today?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I would have preferred more details but at least they have double checked referral was made. It really would have been good that have a rough idea of how long the wait is.
I didn't watch a film but I did get to play in RPG and had lots of fun with my friends. We are finishing off the adventure next week.
Today I woke up with really bad nasal congestion (I think from my allergies) eased that with meds, heat packs and sinus rinse but still feeling a bit physically fragile. And been feeling a little mentally unsettled all day Just had a video call with my brother which I really enjoyed but now I am not distracted by chatting my mood has dipped and thoughts are swirling around. Like a black cloud.
It's hard when everything comes back to the forefront when you're not distracted. It's really difficult to stay distracted every single minute of the day. What might you do now?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I saw a demon for a short time tonight. It has unsettled me, ai don't want demons to be real or be a thing that happens to me. It wasn't there long and I don't think it was real because it just sort of came out of nowhere and was there so briefly but it felt real at the time. I don't usually see stuff. I am not sure what to do about it. I guess if it keeps happening I tell someone but if not I chalk it up to random stress related weirdness??
I had taken codeine but its never caused hallucinations before. And I am only taking a very low dose of steroids not high enough to cause it.
That sounds really scary. I'm sorry you went through that and I hope it doesn't happen again. Do keep an eye on it and reach out if it becomes a regular thing. You have a lot going on so there could be a number of reasons for it.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Pain has been bad. Last night it was so bad I had suicidal thoughts because I just wanted a way to escape the pain, like any way to escape pain. But I got through it and eventually painkillers reduced it enough that I got some sleep.
So sorry you were in so much pain. I can understand why that would increase your suicidal feelings. I'm glad the painkillers helped enough in the end, remember to take them when needed.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
