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Old 12-03-2021, 11:22 AM   #1
pixiedust_11
 
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Conflict of Interest in therapy

Hey, I broke up with my boyfriend on Monday. We've been together for 11 months, but my anxiety and deteriorating mental health became too much for him to handle, and he needed to take a step back for himself. I miss him so much, but I 100% believe this was the right thing to happen. This isn't about me trying to win him back, because I know I have to let him go.

But I'm struggling with forgiving myself for pushing him away like this. I have tried seeing a therapist, but there was a conflict of interest in that they had previously given him therapy, and they would regularly give me 'advice' based on what they knew of him. They would tell me that they didn't think we were right for each other, and would compare my relationship to theirs and their partner, implying that I would end up being unhappy too. They even shared something from one of my exes previous sessions (regarding something he supposedly didn't tell me at the time), which in my vulnerable state at the time, I'm positive fuelled the fire.

For context, I know that I need help in healing from a previous relationship-related trauma, and I know therefore that I was far too anxious for this relationship to have actually worked. I can see that now I've had time to reflect. But I can't stop thinking about the sessions I've described above, because it was 6 months of my life, and I don't feel good about it at all. I feel like I didn't help myself by absorbing so much of the negativity, and I should have walked away sooner. If I did, I may not have ended up hurting my ex so much. He is one of the sweetest, kindest people I've met, and I'm genuinely gutted that this couldn't work, and the one thing that upsets me the most right now is knowing how much I would have hurt him.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for. Maybe some reassurance or encouragement? Does anyone else have an experience like this?



Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.

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Old 13-03-2021, 10:40 AM   #2
Unbreakable.
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I think that sometimes all we can do is to acknowledge that we can't change the way things happened.
As in, it is completely irrelevant if it would have been less painful for either of you if you had ended the relationship earlier because you will never know and there is no way to find out if that's actually true.
At the same time I want to say that I do think it is completely normal to struggle to not have these thoughts and to struggle letting them go.

It sucks that you are hurting, but also, it is okay to hurt because we all do at times. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You can do everything right and still not get the result that you wanted. It happens.

I am really sorry that you are going through this and that there still seem to be so many things to work through from your previous relationship. It sounds a lot like you have a lot of insight and a really mature approach to everything, which absolutely will help you to find happiness again in the long run and to heal from it.

Just a quick reminder that my PM box is always open if you want to talk about anything that you don't feel comfortable having on the boards <3

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Old 15-03-2021, 03:50 PM   #3
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Thanks so much for your kind reply and for your encouragement. It's been a week and I'm feeling stronger and stronger each day, which I never expected. I always used to think I'd fall apart (because I've never done this healthily before), but I'm actually feeling pretty calm and okay.

I'm learning to let things go one day at a time and I'm so grateful for that.



Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.

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Old 18-03-2021, 07:46 PM   #4
Pi.R^2
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So pleased to hear that you're feeling stronger now but sorry that you've had such a difficult time. I have to say that that therapist sounds Dead Sketchy! Doesn't seem right at all =/ I can see why you'd be reluctant to try seeing a different therapist after that experience, but when you feel ready it might be worth giving it another go to help you deal with the previous relationship trauma.

Hope things continue to head in the right direction :)



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