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Old 17-11-2020, 07:00 PM   #61
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*hugs* what have you done today? Was anything worth repeating?



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Old 17-11-2020, 10:32 PM   #62
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It's okay to not have words. <3

Are you managing to look after yourself okay with food/sleep etc?



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"... but me? Me? I am a thousand years old, you can't kill me!"


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Old 19-11-2020, 06:40 PM   #63
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Struggling with self-care like eating properly, washing and taking my meds. Don't have the energy or motivation to do much.
Struggling with nightmares and flashbacks. We're entering the hardest time of year for me and I'm feeling it already. Self-harm urges are through the roof. I need to be punished. Voices are reinforcing this.

We're doing trauma in counselling and it's so difficult and painful.

I'm scared all the time.

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Old 19-11-2020, 09:05 PM   #64
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*sends hugs and love*

Can you identify one or two self-care things that take priority over other things? Maybe your wife can help with that.
I imagine meds are pretty important. With not doing much I again recommend picking one thing a day that has priority and letting yourself ignore minor responsibilities.

I don't know if that is helpful at all, but maybe you can remind yourself that the voices are no necessarily right and don't have your best interest at heart at all. Just because they say something doesn't mean that's true.

Doing trauma in therapy must be super hard and also de-stabilizing. Especially when it overlaps with a time where you are struggling anyway.

Is there anything in particular that has you scared?

Let me know if you want another Skype sometime next week, I'll try be more cheerful this time :P



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Old 20-11-2020, 02:52 PM   #65
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Thank you for the advice love, I really appreciate it.
I'm feeling very spacey at the moment and struggling to concentrate.
I'm scared people are going to get sick and die and it's all going to be my fault.
I want to get the evil out. It doesn't feel safe.

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Old 27-11-2020, 05:07 PM   #66
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Unless you went out coughing on strangers after you tested positive, then I don't think people are going to get sick because of you!

How are you getting on?



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 28-11-2020, 12:46 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pi.R^2 View Post
Unless you went out coughing on strangers after you tested positive, then I don't think people are going to get sick because of you!
In my rational, adult mind I know this but it hard to remember this when the memories and flashbacks are strong. I feel small, panicked and scared. The demons show me all these horrific things and it doesn't feel worth the risk to not do what they say.

I've started making wax melts at home to sell, the distraction has been helping but as soon as I sit down or try the sleep everything goes into overdrive.

It's hard to ignore when this time of year is so full of triggers. In the past I worked hard to try and create positive memories for the run up to Christmas and Christmas itself (although life often seems to want to kick me when I'm down) but this year I'm avoiding talking about Christmas or wanting to do anything related unless I have to. I have no energy for it. It hurts.

Thank you for replying Jenna xx

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Old 01-12-2020, 09:01 PM   #68
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Yes, I can see how that would overwhelm all logic! Are there any beloved DBT skills that could be any use in weighing up this risk?

I'm glad wax melts has been at least a bit of a distraction.

Ugh, Christmas. Sorry that this time is so hard, I hope everyone around you is being supportive of your Christmas avoidance?



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 11-12-2020, 06:52 PM   #69
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I am really struggling with voices and trauma stuff.
I feel very overwhelmed. I hurt myself today but it doesn't feel enough.
I don't know what to do.

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Old 12-12-2020, 12:15 AM   #70
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I am sorry things are so hard.

Is there anything that has helped in the past?

Sending love <3



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"... but me? Me? I am a thousand years old, you can't kill me!"


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Old 13-12-2020, 11:04 AM   #71
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Distraction I guess. I don't know.
I feel so low and anxious.
Everything is too much, too bright, too close.
There are so many trauma triggers. It's overwhelming and scary.

The demons and other voices are screaming, crying, angry and distressed. My skin is crawling. I want to self-harm just for some peace.
I want to

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Old 13-12-2020, 07:34 PM   #72
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*sits with you*

Low on words but I'm here and listening.







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Old 13-12-2020, 08:14 PM   #73
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Thank you love, I really do appreciate it.

My skin is crawling. I don't feel safe.

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Old 16-12-2020, 06:41 PM   #74
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I'm feeling really low and scared. The voices and images are intense. I'm dissociating a lot.
I really need to self-harm properly so nothing bad happens to anybody.

I had my last counselling session of the year just now. I don't remember much because I keep dissociating. She told my wife she was quite concerned about me staying the safe over the break so she was going to contact my GP.
I'm scared about not having her around.

I spoke to my GP earlier because my stomach pain has been getting worse and at the same time she told me that the CCG have denied funding for my assessment for the Adult trauma centre to have my diagnosis reassessed and to access more tailored treatment. My GP said their feedback made it seem that they didn't even look at my case properly but we all knew it was a slim chance they would contribute to funding but the Trauma centre wanted to go down that avenue first. Looks like we'll be funding it ourselves somehow.

I'm scared and overwhelmed. I don't want anyone to suffer because of me. Something bad is coming. I need to stop it.

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Old 16-12-2020, 11:05 PM   #75
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Does anything help you argue against the thoughts that you are harming people lovely? We are all seeing and hearing stories about sickness and ill health on the news because of the pandemic NOT you and therefore your self harm will not have any effect on this. Hard to believe when you are swamped by feelings I know lovely but try to keep it in mind if you can.

How are you feeling about the break coming up? Is there anything we could say or do on this thread that will help you to stay safe over the next few weeks? Is there anything that has helped during this period in past years?

I'm so sorry about the funding because the trauma centre sounds like it could be such a helpful avenue to go down. The CCG sounded very dismissive in how they responded but hopefully that is a path that is not closed to you totally and there will be a way to fund it.



Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.


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Old 17-12-2020, 10:40 AM   #76
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The demons keep putting images in my head. There's so much suffering. I need it to stop.

I don't know how to get through this time of year without hurting myself. I don't know how to do any of this. I'm so tired.
I'm sorry..

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Old 17-12-2020, 02:55 PM   #77
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I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take it. I can’t

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Old 18-12-2020, 05:26 PM   #78
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Everything has gone to shit
I can’t take it anymore
I want to do die
I can’t take anymore

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Old 18-12-2020, 05:29 PM   #79
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What's happening for you at the moment Luna?



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 18-12-2020, 07:40 PM   #80
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Voices and images are unbearable. Everyone would be safer if I was dead.
I can’t cope anymore. It won’t stop.
My wife can’t cope with me. She wanted to take me to hospital today but I refused to go. It will just make everything worse.
I self harm quite a lot yesterday but it’s not enough this time. They won’t stop until I’m dead and in hell.
I can’t take it anymore. It’s unbearable. I can’t make it stop.

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