What is your relationship like with your mum, if I can ask? Are things bad between you two, or do you just not talk much, or are you just not close to her?
I understand being scared of being hurt, and opening up to someone, but it could really help you.
Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith[a figure of speech], and try to trust someone, even though your mind tells you that you can't, you have to try and ignore those thoughts as much as you can and try to open up to an adult about this.
dont talk, she does what she does, i do what i do
id take of leap of faith of a buliding
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
i hate that ill think of what to say to sean and how to tell him stuff, but when it atually comes to doing it i freeze i can say or do anything exept cry, run away. and other times i talk myself out if it, i over think things way too much
I know how that feels, this happens to a lot of people, you think of all the things to say, and you think you will be able to do it, but when it comes to it, you can't physically open up.
Maybe writing everything down, putting it in an envelope, and giving it to an adult would be easier? Just put the envelope in their hands and don't overthink it, try not to think at all, just do it.
I understand you want to tell Sean everything, but Sean is, like you, just a young boy.
He cares about you, but he can't do anything, not like professional help can do for you, a young teenage boy won't be able to properly help you Ashlee, and it's not very fair on him, he may be struggling himself with problems, telling him this kind of stuff may be too much for him to handle, do you understand at all what I am saying?
I'm not saying don't be friends with him and talk to him about things, but this really is better told to an adult.
I really think instead of telling Sean, you need to tell an adult.
Are there any adults at your school that you like?
Maybe that you feel you can open up to about all of this?
Do you think you could talk to her and tell her that you're having a hard time, that you need to get some help from someone?
Would that be too scary to do?
If it would be too much, could you write it down, or maybe show her this thread?
I don't mean literally Ashlee to take a leap of faith off of a building, it is a figure of speech, it means to do something despite feeling you can't, leaping off of a building would not be a good idea Ashlee, do you understand what I mean by it now?
It just means to do something and to try to have faith in doing it, even if you feel you can't do it.
I know how that feels, this happens to a lot of people, you think of all the things to say, and you think you will be able to do it, but when it comes to it, you can't physically open up.
Maybe writing everything down, putting it in an envelope, and giving it to an adult would be easier? Just put the envelope in their hands and don't overthink it, try not to think at all, just do it.
I understand you want to tell Sean everything, but Sean is, like you, just a young boy.
He cares about you, but he can't do anything, not like professional help can do for you, a young teenage boy won't be able to properly help you Ashlee, and it's not very fair on him, he may be struggling himself with problems, telling him this kind of stuff may be too much for him to handle, do you understand at all what I am saying?
I'm not saying don't be friends with him and talk to him about things, but this really is better told to an adult.
I really think instead of telling Sean, you need to tell an adult.
Are there any adults at your school that you like?
Maybe that you feel you can open up to about all of this?
i understand all of that
the other teacher that i was mentioning before that doesnt know about the cutting, i like her, but she is seans form tutor, and she hate the idea of us 2, she wont even let me talk about him when she can hear
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
Ashlee have you tried writing your feelings down, perhaps put them in a letter or even just a list of how you're feeling and give them to a trusted adult?
Someone like a teacher or your mum?
You might feel like your alone but as sad as it is, sometimes people are just totally unaware of how bad someone is feeling. Even family members can miss it.
Ashlee have you tried writing your feelings down, perhaps put them in a letter or even just a list of how you're feeling and give them to a trusted adult?
Someone like a teacher or your mum?
You might feel like your alone but as sad as it is, sometimes people are just totally unaware of how bad someone is feeling. Even family members can miss it.
in my book i have put lots of different words of how i feel, then put them in brakets and wrote fine neer. so basicly if i show anyone it will show them my definition of the word fine
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
Ashlee please tell somebody you feel you are getting worse. It'll help.
i dont feel like im getting worse tho, im just not getting better
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
Ashlee, do you think you could maybe show someone (and by someone I mean an adult) your book. There's no talking involved, you can give them the book and then leave them to read it, you don't have to be there when you read it as long as you're willing to accept the help if/when it's offered
Ashlee, seriously. You NEED to start acting on our advice. If you don't take some of our suggestions then you will continue to feel like this and I don't think that's what you want. Please be proactive in trying to make yourself feel better, you can't just allow your depression to wash over you and give up like this.
On get connected - the website I gave you earlier - along the top of the page there is a 'Freephone number' along with a 'Text us on' number and a link to 'Email' and also a 'Webchat'. If you click on the link that says 'Webchat' it will open a new window and you will be able to talk to someone - just like in an MSN conversation.
They will be able to advise you on different services that could be helpful to you, what type of support you are able to access, where the best support for you is and they will try to help.
I used to use them quite a bit and they are very lovely. I really, really would advise you to use this service.
There is also a webchat on connections along with Childline.
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
Ashlee I think that you are rejecting all these ideas of what might be helpful because you are still stuck on the idea of Sean being the only one who can help you.
Sometimes you have to trust other people's judgement more than your own and TRY something that might not be your perfect idea of help. Ok the teacher won't let you talk about Sean...so talk to her about the eating issues or SH.
WHY can't you go to your GP? Really that is the best advice I can give as they are the best way to get access to proper help.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
Ashlee I think that you are rejecting all these ideas of what might be helpful because you are still stuck on the idea of Sean being the only one who can help you.
Sometimes you have to trust other people's judgement more than your own and TRY something that might not be your perfect idea of help. Ok the teacher won't let you talk about Sean...so talk to her about the eating issues or SH.
WHY can't you go to your GP? Really that is the best advice I can give as they are the best way to get access to proper help.
you need an apointment and i dont know how to get one, and i dont want to do by myself
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
If you use the website I have given you, they can find some support for you and help you to find a support service that works for you - and help you to work out how you can do that.
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
you need an apointment and i dont know how to get one, and i dont want to do by myself
I know it can seem scary but I think you really need to do this.
You are 15. You can make a Dr's appointment for yourself. To make an appointment you will need to get the GP's phone number and call them. Your mum must have the number in her phone/phone book or if you know the name of their surgery you could look it up on the internet.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
you need an apointment and i dont know how to get one, and i dont want to do by myself
You just ring up,say id like to make an appointment to see a Dr,then the receptionist will give you an appointment. The only other ways to do it are get your mum to ring or go in,in person and make one.
I know its scary even thinking about going to speak to someone but at some point,you're going to have to.
I mean an adult,not us or Sean,an adult. Or it could get to a point where adults will step in and speak to you about what's going on. You can't hide an eating disorder or sh forever from people.
Ashlee, do you think you could maybe show someone (and by someone I mean an adult) your book. There's no talking involved, you can give them the book and then leave them to read it, you don't have to be there when you read it as long as you're willing to accept the help if/when it's offered
Hey ashlee, I've glanced over some of the info on the sites that were offered and I managed to shrink down some of the information to make it easier to understand. Here's some bits and pieces about counseling services in Harrogate (i was originally going to get all the info off the sites, but I accidentally closed the tab while working on it lol!)
anyway, Young Carers
The young carers team provides support, trips and activities, holidays and
youth clubs for children and young people who help to look after someone at
home because a family member has an illness, disability, mental health or an
alcohol / drug issue. They also offer family support.
Address: 11 North Park Road, Harrogate, HG1 5EF Tel: 01423 500555
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Relate-teen
Offers a free counselling service for 10 to 25 year olds in the Harrogate District including the effects of parental separation or divorce and family breakdown.
Open: Monday to Thursday from 9.30am to 4.30pm and 6.30pm to 9.00pm, Fridays from 9.30am to 4.30pm and Saturdays from 9.30am to 12.30pm Tel: (01423) 502173 for an appointment (There is a 24 hour answerphone service)
Email: relateharrogate@ukonline.co.uk
Web: www.relateweb.co.uk/p_YoungPeople.ikml
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4 Youth Service @ Trax (this one seems really good c:!)
4 Youth Service @ Trax provides free information, advice, support and counselling to young people aged 13 to 19 years. The Youth Work Team operates a drop-in service, no appointment necessary. Other services include free condom distribution, issuing ISIC cards and providing resources for others who work with young people.
Trax provides a wide range of information, guidance and counselling to young people. At Trax a young person will meet a Connexions Personal Advisor or youth worker who will support him or her in seeking the information or service they need. During the day, young people can access high quality, impartial career guidance services to assist them in making decisions about education, employment or training. In addition, the 4 Youth Service is available each Monday and Friday evening and Saturday afternoon and Bumps 2 Babes ante-natal support for teenagers is available Thursday afternoons.
Trax by Night is open Monday and Friday evenings and Saturday afternoons. At these times, young people can drop in, chill out and meet their friends in a safe, cafe-style environment run by youth workers.
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Trax Underground
Trax Underground aims to meet the needs of young people who do not or cannot attend traditional youth provision. The project is street based and covers Harrogate. The project meets young people in the places they congregate and offers support and a sign-posting service to other agencies. The project offers advice and support through discussion, leaflets and occasional one to one support. They cover topics from drugs and alcohol to the Law, sexual health and bullying. Please contact the team and they will meet you in town where they can discuss the way forward. Messages for the team can be left at Trax.
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anyway, these are just suggestions. If you need help with understanding anything else just let me know~
^ That's a fantastic post. Thank you for posting that.
Ashlee, like others have said, you cannot live like this forever. I know that it's hard and scary but you will feel better if you have support other than Sean. It will be a bit easier for you.
Go and find the number for your local doctors surgery and ring them on Monday.
How about sending an email to the Trax place (trax@northyorks.gov.uk) mentioned above? Emailing is a little bit like talking here, right?
