Not knowing

[tamobhuuta]

Thanks maii.

[one_step_closer]

I hope the change in Olanzapine to Aripiprazole doesn't cause too many issues and is a positive one. Please let them know how you are feeling if things change. How do you calculate your belief percentage and what importance does it have for you?

[tamobhuuta]

It's just what I feel. So 60% means most of me believes in the implant etc but I recognise there is evidence against it. I would still act on those thoughts.

[Pi.R^2]

Thanks for explaining. My instinct was to say surely you shouldn't act on it if it's at 60% but then I tried to draw a parallel with any of my own experiences and I really don't think I can imagine ever being anything other than 100% certain about things I believe? I assume that's partly because I'm a very black and white person but also because I've never experienced psychosis.

Sorry for rambling. I guess I'm saying I don't understand but it sounds awfully confusing. Does talking through the evidence for and against or discussing alternative explanations for feeling like there's an implant help?

[tamobhuuta]

Not really. Sometimes looking at the evidence makes me believe my beliefs more.

If it was a black or white thing, I would simply say I believe in the implant.

[tamobhuuta]

If my beliefs are delusional, why aren't meds helping?

[Pi.R^2]

I would counter that with - if your beliefs aren't delusional, why have meds been so helpful in the past?

You have been helped by medication in the past to get to a place where you are safe outside of hospital and even though the beliefs are still there sometimes, you've been able to manage them using skills you learnt in therapy so that they don't get out of hand.

[Auror.]

we wonder if the point of the meds isn't necessarily to take the beliefs away, but instead to make them easier to challenge and feel more in control of, so that you don't need to act on them? sort of similar to what jenna is saying.

60% does sound lower than what it previously was at least?

[tamobhuuta]

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I haven't felt like this for a while. The implant is too important to ignore like this.

[Auror.]

do you think it would be worth asking for prn if it's that bad? sorry things are feeling so intense at the moment. hopefully it will lessen some soon for you.

[tamobhuuta]

I did ask for PRN. I think it helped. If I find myself wanting to put my shoes on I will ask for help.

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Try to keep in mind that PRN usually helps though so you know to ask for it.

[tamobhuuta]

I had urges to leave the ward so I told the nurse I was struggling and she gave me PRN, I didn't even need to explain myself. Maybe I should talk to a night nurse?

[one_step_closer]

Do you need to talk? Do the night nurses let you talk or just suggest sleep? In my local ward it's hard to get to talk at night.

[tamobhuuta]

I talked to the hca I like briefly but she didn't have any advice.

[one_step_closer]

That's a shame. Did it help to get things out at least? I hope today is better for you. Keep asking for what you need.

[tamobhuuta]

It helped a little, just to say I'm not ok.

[one_step_closer]

Sometimes a bit of acknowledgement is important and helpful.

[maii]

Its also helped me to affirm to myself that its ok to not be ok. That being said, I hope things improve for you, tomo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2WW...8gbm90IGJlIG9r

Jessie J - Who You Are (Official Music Video)

[tamobhuuta]

Thank you both.