hi guys.
I've been clean for over a month now. usually, when stressed, I tried to make myself busy and forget about my urges, but today in particular I just couldn't. but it has been so long and I was scared of actually doing it and relieving the pain. as I was scared, I could not cut myself as I used to, and now all I can think about is just going deeper and deeper and I am scared of what I might do.
If you have been through this kind of situation, please give me a bit of advice because i am scared.
First off, well done for one month free! It sounds like you worked really hard to achieve that, and this wobble doesn't take away from that. If anything it tells you that you can do it so even now when it's only been a few days and feels like a month free is such a huge mountain to climb, you've got evidence that it's possible.
I hope that you will be able to use this fear to motivate yourself to stop now and not accept the sort of challenge your brain has made you of getting back to the way you cut previously. Because as I imagine you've learnt, it's never 'deep enough' and you'll only ever want to do more.
Do you have any professional help for what you're going through?
Thank you so much!
It's been a rough week, but I managed to get past my urges and not let my thoughts get in the way of trying to recover. As you said, it is never "deep enough" but I try. We all try.
Unfortunately, I did not reach for any help. I am just too scared to talk about it with my family and others.
Well done on getting past the urges. In my experience (9 years cut free, yikes), it gets better. For me it's never gone away but instead of days on end of having to fight really hard not to, it's now a thought that remains in the back of my mind during good periods and there's only occasional days where it's a proper effort to stay in recovery.
What kind of strategies help you to distract and manage your feelings whilst you're really overwhelmed with urges to self-harm?
Do you know why you're scared to talk about it with your family?
It's always a lingering thought I have (to cut myself even when relatively happy) but I usually try to listen to music to a maximum level or read my fav books to forget about my urges.
I would love to talk to my mum about this but my parents don't believe in mental problems. Like it either comes from the fact that you did not take your iron, because of internet, or that it is simply a phase .
I will say that simply trying to "forget about the urges" is probably likely to help short term, but may not help long term. It's absolutely a great way to get through the moment safely until the urge passes. But it can also be good to deal with the underlying issues actually causing the urges to occur in the first place.
Would you be okay with sharing your age and the country you are in? Different countries have different ages of consent for when you can see a therapist without needing parental help or permission to do so.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I'm from Romania and I am 17. As long as I know I need to be 18 to go by myself.
It's the easiest way to simply forget the root of the urges in the moment and try to overcome them, hoping that they will not return.
Ah, I did a quick google and it looks like you are unfortunately right. That's a shame. It is younger in some other countries which is why I asked.
I can understand your point of view for sure. Though I guess I argue that putting plans in place for how to cope if the urges do return could also be helpful.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
It's great to know if different things help for different triggers. Maybe you could start a running list of what happened, what the trigger was, and what, if anything helped?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
First off you should be very proud of yourself. One for reaching out well going through a tough period and asking for help. That in itself is one of the hardest things to do, and takes tremendous courage. Second going self harm free for any amount of time is something to be proud of. Lastly for not giving in to those urges. That is wonderful. I know in my personal experience the urge to cut is something that's never fully gone away. However I have found other ways to deal. Holding ice cubes, playing video games, coloring, and playing with my daughter have been the best go to things for me. Stay strong. You've got this!
I know this feeling of being scared but then Wanting more, deeper. It’s very much an addiction thing I think, well that’s how I understand it in myself. I recently also cut after a long time - well done on one month by the way!- and had this exact experience. I wasn’t able to continue SHing because I took myself to someone else’s house where I’m unable to cover it up. I suppose this was my strategy. I don’t know if this can translate for you at all or not but at least know your far from alone in the experience.
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