Fear of a friend because they look the same as someone who used to bully me

merriman_sisters · 13-09-2012, 06:37 AM

I was bullied a lot as a tween/teen by this one boy(who's the same age as me, I'm 20 now), well the boy who used to bully me has a younger borther (who is 14 now) I've been friends with for a long time. the younger borther is nothing like the older one, but within the the last few month has started to look more and more like the one who used to bully me to the point where I freak out a little bit when around him. I'm not sure how to tell him this because he already has a really shity life and thinks of me as his older sister. What should I do?

Indigo. · 13-09-2012, 07:58 PM

Hi there!
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Seeing him must remind you of bad times..
But if you two are really good friends as you say, even if he has a troubled life, it's not like he won't understand. I say you could just talk to him and tell him you started to feel anxious because the way he looks reminds you of his brother(I assume he knows about his brother bullying you) Tell him just what you said, that he is nothing like his older brother and that you care about him very much.. It might be hard to actually say sth like this to him but if you don't talk to him about it, especially because the two of you are so close, then who else should you talk to?
Good luck! x

merriman_sisters · 13-09-2012, 08:29 PM

He doesn't really know about his borther bullying me. He just knows i don't like him. :/

Indigo. · 13-09-2012, 09:32 PM

Hmm..do you want to tell him then? That his brother bullied you?

I was just thinking that you know, friendship is a mutual thing. Maybe you are also thinking of protecting him? In a way, so that he won't feel bad because he reminds you of his brother?

I don;t think if you told him it would change the relationship between you two. I'm sure he'd understand..and he probably wouldn;t want you to be going through this alone..so I think you should try and be open and tell him, maybe take some time to find your words..
If you kept it to yourself, it wouldn;t solve anything and maybe he might even notice something is wrong when you're around him and he'll get worried ?

I hope it goes well..and for making the fear go away..I don't know if you really can do that all of a sudden..it might just take you a while to get used to him? x