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im so messed up
Wow i dont even know where to begin. This has been the worst month of my entire life. I havent SIed in 4 months, witch is a long time for me. On January 11 one of my best friends died in a car crash. Shes only a couple months older thsn me. She was the only one who knew about my SI. I never talked about it much but it helped knowing i could if i wanted too. I havent done it yet, but i almost did today. I decided maby i should tell my boyfriend so i would have someone to talk too if i needed too. I was terrified to tell him. I was sick so i wasnt at school and he didnt ask where i was or if i was ok, but i told him we needed to talk. He said he was at his driving class what was up? I told him just to text me when he was done but he acted like a jerk so i told him forget it and he just said ok, witch made me mad. I told my best friend instead about it then she told me that my boyfriens best friend said he was cheating on me. I have so much stress and the only person who understood at all is gone. My best friend is going to counciling now. Im jelouse i want to ask my mom if i could go to a couniler or someone, but i cant talk to my mom about anything, because she dosnt understand. I hate to keep bugging my best friend too because she was closer than i was and is taking it worse. I have no one to talk to and im scared. I dont know what to\o do anymore. I hate myself. Im sorry this is just a lot of teenage drama, but i dont know what too do. I dont want to hurt myself anymore, but i cant stop. I hate it, nomater how hard i try i slip up. I feel selfesh too for making it all about me when it shouldent be.
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