*hides in a hole in the warren & doesn't want to come out*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*Makes Soothing noises so Jessica can sleep , whoosh , whoosh* I'm sorry that must SUCK beyond all beleif .
I think I finally got WoW to download all its patches and is working now so I have that back as a distraction :)
Oh it does. I also got annoyed by noises from my housemate and his girlfriend. The only way I can describe it is "two cats breeding" and the only reasons I can describe it as that is because I honestly thought that was what I was hearing to start with. And they are still awake now. I thought I'd be lucky enough to find them unconcious after my outing.
I jogged/walked down to the park and layed/leaned in a tree on my jacket with my sweatshirt tied around my waist. It was nice to actually get to have my arms out in the open for the first time in weeks. I think I was the happiest I've been in weeks while I was standing in that tree too.
And it's good that you finally got WoW working. I ended up making a Blood Elf Paladin the other night when I was feeling really down and urgy. I gave him the girliest name that I could think of that wasn't taken and spent the evening calling him Twattycakes and just generally insulting him. I suppose it was just nice to have something other then me to belittle for a change. xD I got him to level 5 before I decided to go to bed. As of this morning, he's level 7.
*cuddles April*
Last edited by wolfos3d : 10-07-2010 at 11:45 PM.
Reason: cuddles
updated r/v... if anyone cares. sometimes it feels like they don't... and they shouldn't, i'm worthless and stupid and annoying.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
updated r/v... if anyone cares. sometimes it feels like they don't... and they shouldn't, i'm worthless and stupid and annoying.
You are not any of those things. Hang in there, okay? We all have to, as hard as it is sometimes. And if I ever figure it out for myself I will write the manual just for you to read because you do NOT deserve it at all.
*wonders in slowly*
I'm really sorry I havn't been posting for a while, been in here reading, but just havnt been upto posting, I'm really sorry, I feel really bad for abandoning you guys, sorry so many of you are not doing so good at the moment, remember you are brave, strong amazing people who can get through this and I mean that about every single one of you.
sorry there are no individual replies, I will do them when I can.
Bit messed up at the moment, had a bad flashback and also disosociated and my gf thinks I was also hallucinating and says I need to tell my doctor and counsellor about them. Thye normally don't get as bad as tonight because usually I cut to get myself out of them, but I wasn't doing that with my gf there, so it got really bad, I don't remember a lot of what happened, but she took me for a walk outside and eventually it went away, but then she had to go to bed and I ended up cutting because I was scared it would come back because every other time it has happened I always cut.
Feel pathetic, and am scared to shut my eyes in case they come back and am listening to music so I can't hear them if they come back.
*goes around giving everyone cuddles, or waves at those who don't like cuddles, introduces himself to anyone who is new then hides in a corner*
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
*hugs oliver* i'm sorry to hear about the flashback.. that doesnt sound pleasant at all. You are not pathetic in the least.
*hugs april* you are definitely not useless.
*hugs lia* you don't have to be sorry about yesterday. It was good to get that out I think. Locking one's emotions up doesn't usually do much good. Btw, you are great in the ward, always replying to people and whatnot!
*hugs jess* I'm sorry your insomnia is so bad. Glad to hear you had a nice time while having your arms out. Maybe keep doing things like that, sometimes it really is the little things.
*hugs hayley, kahlia, jill, mark, helen, and everyone else*
sorry i didnt reply individually to everyone. keep running out of steam. I'm reading though, just having a hard time living and feeling like my replies would be **** anyway.
*goes away*
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
Hels, sweetie, you're not useless. Not at all. *cuddles* What's up??
Laura, I'm sure your replies wouldn't be **** but if you need to focus on just living and making it through your daily life that's fine... sometimes it can be such a struggle - glad to hear that you're still reading though. :) Update us when you can on how you're doing. ♥
Sorry for my last post... :-S ...but thanks to all who replied to it.
Last edited by Scarletdreamer : 11-07-2010 at 01:01 AM.
Reason: adding a bit
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*hugs everybody* would love to do individual replies but sorry, I'm pathetic and useless. sorry I haven't been around for a few days, I've been reading but unable to respond - sorry again.
I'm off to the Emirates tomorrow for my brother's wedding lots of time with my family, not much time to myself, and huge social occasions where I know hardly anybody. I'm really looking forward to it, but it's not going to be easy and with my urges getting worse and worse, I just have to keep control, but it is my only brother's wedding and it is exciting.
But yeah sorry cos again I wont be around much over the next fortnight and although that probably doesn't mean much to most I do like to offer my support and to say keep fighting because you deserve to be happy and honestly there is no way of knowing what is around the next corner, hope is an amazing thing and we fight because it is still there in all of us even when we are despairing most, because we have not yet given up, please keep fighting, because you are worth it.
I want to cut :(
"I am me and me is good enough if I would only be it openly"
Do try & enjoy yourself, Hannah, love. :) I'm sorry that you feel useless etc., a lot of us do I think, and it's not true for any of us. Is there any particular reason you want to cut?? Sorry for the crap reply... *cuddles gently*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
really stressed/anxious at the moment. stupid v8s are two/three blocks away. can't relax. freaking out all the time. my housemate just painted (first coat) where the broken dryer was and i helped but i feel like poop. guess that's cause that's what i am. just a broken doll.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*cuddles helen* i'm sorry your struggling so much tonight. PM me if you need/want to.
*hugs april* you don't need to be sorry. Its okay
*hugs hannah* its okay that you haven't been around. We understand. I've missed seeing you around though. Have fun at the wedding. Hope that the urges dont get too bad.
*cuddles kahlia* you are not "poop" or worthless/useless. Im sorry that the anxiety isnt getting any better. Wish there was something we/I could do to help.
I'm sorry to hear that so many of us are struggling right now. Hang in there. We can make it through all of this.
Last edited by SoMuchMore : 11-07-2010 at 01:33 AM.
Reason: kahlia snuck in
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
*curls up in a corner* daddy hate me
i just wanna go eat bad food
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í
hi julie 'm 26 i love hugs i have people in my head and they will talk to u. they will behave and they wont hurt u they are...
owen nearly 10 and doesnt like being touched
amy 11 quiet and shy
kate 15 has lotsa anger but is nice
so basically i'm that weirdo who talks to herself...hi...
oliver- sorry bout the flashback- that sounds horrid =[ your girlfriend sounds really supportive tho :)
im a bit eugh atm, but will try to do more ind replies tomorrow
dr who's on in 20 =]
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
*leaves hugs for julie if want <3*
if he hates you then hes silly cuz you're smart and sweet and caring and strong :)
<3
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Ugh. I managed to make it till about 2PM before I fell asleep. I've now had three hours sleep, wasted my last afternoon off, and probably won't sleep again until late tonight if I do sleep. I'm so triggered now too. :( I really hate being me.
*hugs for everyone and extra hugs for Oliver* Flashbacks are in no way enjoyable. :( Hope you're okay.
Feal really crapy this morning, still have stuiped thoughts running through my head. Hmm the more I try not to think about these thoughts the more I want to act on them. Urgh today going to be a long day.
oh it looks like its been a really crummy night (well day time for some of you) since I was last on here. I'm doing a quick post before the tramadol kicks in properly and I go off to lala land again.
Not enough brain power to do individual replies, but I'm thinking that we should ban the words pathetic and useless like we have banned the word fine. Cos we all say them and I'm sure that as much as we may feel them at times, they are not true, so saying them and reading them only reaffirms our false beliefs. So if we are banned from using them in here then perhaps we'll start to feel a little better, that, or we'll be using a theasaurus (spelling?!) lost more! lol
Oh and Kahlia thanks for the warning on tramadol. I have depression, PMDD and PTSD, oh and an ED and OCD as my mental health problems but I wouldn't class them as a psychiatric illness, not like bipolar or something like that. So I should be fine. I hope so as I was on it for 5years before, though apparently you shouldn't be on it for longer than 6months at a time due to the damage it can cause your kidneys, but my old doctors were useless for things like that, my latest GP's seem more clued up, at least I hope so!
Right time for me to have a fag and coffee whilst I'm still able to figure out how to do it. Then let reggie out so he can cause havoc whilst I'm in lala land. hmmm.....
Thinking of you all and hoping we all have at least a few hours in our day where things improve for us.
"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"
"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"
.gif "Emoticon(14)")
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í 
