I only like it if it sounds sincere. Sometimes a word like 'sweetie' can make you feel cared about when you're feeling down, but not when it's used every other sentence. I tend to use it if I know the person quite well but generally feel quite uncomfortable with it.
I rarely use it, but when someone replies to my thread with it, I just take it at face value and think of it as their expression of caring that they might not otherwise be able to put into words.
On the rare occasions I do say "sweetie", it's to partially balance out what could be construed as hard hitting replies on my part. Almost like "tough love" or whatever.
When offering support or advice to someone it's better to say something useful than something affectionate. It's pointless to try and "balance out" a hard truth with a kiss on the cheek and a lovely little petname - it doesn't make the truth any easier to hear, it's just patronising.
It also comes across as extremely hollow from someone you don't know. Having a friend say something nice is fine, but hearing a complete stranger say "I'm here for you sweetheart" is utterly meaningless, and you have to wonder if the person saying it actually means it, or is just saying it for the sake of it.
I disagree with that,I think it isn't pointless at all with support or advice, even if it is the hard truth. It can actually help. Well, with my experiences it does.
i actually like the affectionate little words as long as they're used properly. i think sometimes (especially if you dont know a person well) they can sound a little patronising.
however i think within your circle of friends they're fine. i use sweetie pretty much all the time but like i say usually only with people i know really well. i think i used to say hun quite a lot but not now so much.
I use pet names quite alot , I call people "Chicken, hun, lovely" but thats just how I speak, I call people hun who I dont know but thats it really
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
I think it's all a matter of personal preference. Some will like it, some won't. Really, people might not think it's patronizing when saying it. So unless they are going to specifically ask "is it okay if I call you sweetie" or whatever, they probably won't know. It just seems silly to censor or argue over words that are most likely harmless and mean no insult. If someone has a problem with the terms on threads they make, maybe they should make a disclaimer.
That aside, you can still say something "useful" and say something like sweetie with it. One word that some may or may not find offensive is not going to negate the rest of the input.
I think affection between people who are friends etc, who know that it doesn't irritate (etc) the other person is absolutely fine, it's when you call someone 'sweetie' or whatever who would otherwise be a total stranger to you if you hadn't read their post here that is a bit odd / annoying.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
I've been called worse things than love or sweetie lol. Can't say I notice those words with any disdain although I don't post as a person in crisis. I find people use the sweetie stuff when they are trying to make someone feel calmer, appreciated etc.
Im quite a strange one i dont mind it on here, and i dont mind it most of the time. But if its used by lads it makes me angry, as if they are after something.. x
Walt Disney
"Even miracles take a little time."
- The Fairy Godmother
"What do you do when things go wrong? Oh! You sing a song!"
- Snow White
"Always let your conscience be your guide." -Pinocchio
Lol, i've just realized how often I actually call people 'dear' and 'lovvie'
I do not mean it in a patronizing way at all. In real life people just know it as part of me and my personality.
Saying 'hugs' and 'hun' can be patronising to some people, but when said with good intention [which in 99 out 100 cases it is] I see no problem, or a need for censoring. Afterall, theres a hell of a lot of way nastier crap written on the forums sometimes!
I do find members saying 'I love you' in just about every reply to others insincere however. But unless its said to me somewhere by someone I dont know its not for me to complain.
I never realized how often I say things like that here, I generally write as I would say things and I do say "hun" and "sweetie" and things a lot in RL convos as well.
It never occurrd to me that some people might take it in the wrong way =/ I'll try and be more aware of how I'm saying things in future.
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I give people lots of virtual *hugs* because I know that I can't do that IRL because of the sensory problems I have but people like virtual hugs at least when they're sad usually.
I don't use the others though, and it depends on the context whether it's patronizing or not. Some people are just really affectionate.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Hmmm, it seems to me that this might be a cultural thing. In my area of the US, "pet names" (such as love, hun/honey, poppet, sweetie, dear etc.), are rarely or never used with strangers, or anyone but a close friend. Here it might be seen as condescending and perhaps a bit disrespectful to call someone by such a name. Another thing I've noticed is that these words are most often used by adults talking to small children. (example, I haven't been called hun since I was five) People could conceivably believe that they are being talked down to when these words are used.
What do you propose we do? Banning terms of affection, seems a bit harsh to me. It would be moderating the forums to quite an extreme extent!
Personally I always like to give people the benefit of doubt, why believe that someone is being rude, when it could be the exact opposite?
What do you propose we do? Banning terms of affection, seems a bit harsh to me. It would be moderating the forums to quite an extreme extent!
Personally I always like to give people the benefit of doubt, why believe that someone is being rude, when it could be the exact opposite?
I'm not proposing we do anything. There's not much that can be done anyhow. I was just curious as to what other people thought of it.
I didn't mean that I thought people using words like that were being rude or anything, because in the vast majority of cases, they're not, and it's just how they talk.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
