So, i don't know why i post this here, maybe in hope for some tools as to how to deal with everything.
Until today it's been what, 3-4 years since I last did any self harm, but in the last year my life has been very stressful.
I in no way claim to have a bad life, I love my job, I had a good childhood, my friends treat me nicely, so all in all I shouldn't feel depressed or anything, but I do.
I don't really see a point to my life, I feel that one day just follows the next, and that I have no real purpose, I am stressed out from taking too many extra assignments at work, and I simply can't deal with it, on the other hand I don't know how to say no to the either.
So today, for the first time in years i cut my arm again, and while it scares me to some extend, because I know what road it may lead to, I felt the same relief that I did back when i SIed regularly.
So basicly I need advice, how do I best cope with stress the stress of work, and every day life, what should one go about doing so one does not feel that one day just follows the next, but actually has some meaning, I don't feel like hurting myself, but I am reverting back to what I know "worked" in the past.
Appologies for the long rant, also I am sorry if my english is a bit off at times, it's not my first language
hey, it sounds like you have a very positive outlook on things
if your feeling like life has no meaning perhaps you could do somthing that you consider worth while.
doing a couple of hours a week of voulentry work gives me a sence of purpose. maybe you could do somthing you have always wanted to do or somthing you have never thought of set yourslf a goal perhaps
sorry if that was not much help, just suggestions
hope your ok
i just dont know what to do with all these feelings
It was like reading my own thoughts, reading that! It's how I feel so often and I know how much it can really crush you.
Ds is very wise in her words to you and I wholeheartedly agree. Doing voluntary work is something I hold very dear in my life because it makes me feel so uplifted. Seeing the smile on someone's face and knowing you helped put it there is truly medicine for the soul.
It sounds to me like you're a really compassionate person, so I think this would probably be great for you.
Another tip I found worked, is, when you're at home....do something that makes you feel great. Try not to just sit and have the same routine every day. Do something different. Cook yourself your favourite meal, try a new hobby, invite a neighbour or friend round....just do things that make you smile and do something out of the ordinary every day.
These are only small things I know, and they don't make the feelings go away but they do provide opportunity for you to see that they're not the be all and end all. There are moments of joy and if you can find them only for a brief time, then they're worth chasing after for good.
A few moments of joy can make the difference in what feels like forever trapped in your own thoughts.
PM me anytime if you want to talk, or if you feel like that again and want to try and work through it.
Hope you're ok.
Sorry if that was no use whatsoever, have had a hard day myself and am finding I'm not being much use!!
You write very well, no worries there! It all made perfect sense.
Do you have a doc you can talk to? It may really help, having someone to listen and being able to express how you are feeling to keep you from returning to SI.
I have no real advice because i am feeling much the same way; i hate getting up everyday because there is just...nothing.
Just wanted to say, i hear you and i understand.
Please think about the doc ok? It can really be such a help if you find the right person.
Let us know ok?
romp
How are you doing today? I think the people above have some great advice. It's hard sometimes feeling like there is no purpose to things. The idea of volunteering or doing something to make you feel happy are good ones. But I also agree with Romp that maybe you should see a doctor and some advice from him/her.
Hope all is well.
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
About voluntary work, I have already tried that (and am still doing some from time to time) however it does not really give me any sence of purpose, I am not good at changing my habbits, but perhaps I should try that, I am pretty much a person who sticks with what works, but clearly something aint working.
And about a doctor, I don't think i really want to do that, I don't want to be put on some medication, and what about my job, if they find out I'm a nutcase I'd probably lose it, and that'd bring me even more down
You can always refuse medication if you do not want to be on it. That is only one route of treatment and there may be other methods which may suit you more, like therapy. Nobody should inform your work and you should not have to unless you were put on meds which affected your ability to do your job i.e ones which you are not supposed to operate machinery or whatever with. Even if your work were to find out they could not sack you for having a mental illness. It would be illegal. You asked a lot of questions which make me wonder if maybe talking to someone and having help to find meaning would be beneficial. I hope you can find the strength to speak to your doctor.
I do know how you feel hon. The same goes for my job, and in the past I have put what people might think, might feel, might do...above what I needed.
Sometimes what we need and what we want are two completely different things. You have to weigh up what really matters in your life.
What's more important? Continuing as you are now?
Or seeking help to feel better?
A doctor will not necessarily put you on medication, they may suggest you talking to a therapist and that doesn't include medication at all.
If you said to your doctor you don't want to take medication then they will listen and suggest something else....but you have to give them the chance to help.
All this of course has to be done in your own time and when you feel ready. But if you need help, if you want change in your life and you want to feel better, you have to put that above everything else. Your health is the most important thing.
You can't beat SI by fighting it half heartedly and behind closed doors, you have to be willing to open yourself up to the help that is available.
If you feel able to carry on as you are now then that's wonderful but if not....maybe it's time to ask for that help.
Your work may be more understanding than you think...give them the chance to be supportive before you assume the worst of them.
I have SIed for 8 years before I was able to beat it, but I never considered myself a "nutcase" and don't think that of anyone who SHs.
We're just coping the best way we know how. The only way we know how. That doesn't make anyone a "nutcase". It's fighting terms like this, that make mental health awareness so important.
