Triggering (SI) - 2004 to Present. What's changed?
I sort of feel disheartened posting this here. I shouldn't probably be asking anything of the veterans forum. But I turn twenty-two in under half a month, and I feel like I'm not allowed to ask for support in serious discussion anymore.
Twenty-two. And let's examine what I have to show for it. Bare with me.
* I did my GCSE's fine, went to college; failed because I couldn't concentrate on the work. One year wasted. Went to another college, got through it. Went to university; dropped out after a year because of stress and depression. Another year wasted. Went to college again, somehow got decent AS level results, now I've missed three months of my second, most important year because I feel like I have no control over how I feel. That's going to be another two years wasted of my already pathetic pointless life.
* I can't hold down a job. I quit mine in May, almost a YEAR ago because I was ringing in sick so much due to my mood being out of control some days, and not feeling able to leave the house. In addition to that I was taking alcohol from them and drinking it while on shift.
* I don't know what's going on with me. Some days I feel so awful I'll sleep 14 hours, wake up mid -afternoon and do nothing for the rest of the day. But i've had other periods of feeling better for no reason - some time before Christmas I made appointments with three charity organisations for voluntary work, I sent off my university applications, I looked at getting a job, went to college, saw my friends. Then.. I just stopped doing all of this. Cancelled my voluntary work and shut myself away again, which is where i'm at now.
* I'm controlling my feelings at the moment, not with anti-depressants or anti-psychotics, but with vodka and soon, marijuana. I'm aware that vodka makes me feel worse, I'm aware that vodka is the reason that I was in hospital twice in as many weeks recently, but I like the impulsiveness it gives me. I can't harm myself so easily while i'm sober.
So yeah. Sort of.. not a great point in my life. If I could display it on a graph it would be like a steady decline into the ground with a sudden sharp stop, which i'll admit, I haven't quite reached yet.
It sounds really hard. I also had to take an extra year at college, and looks like I will be doing the same at uni. Things will not stay this way for you forever though. If you look at it as a graph, the highs always come after the lows. Things can get better if you give them time. Do you get any professional help?
Highs are supposed to come after lows but I don't get why mine have been cycling. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a CPN at the moment. No diagnosis as of yet, though he seemed to think I had a psychosis a while back before christmas, and that i'm depressed now.
I don't understand what's going on. I wish I knew what my problem was. I'm also drinking, now.
Drinking won't help hun and you know that. The diagnosis will come once they are sure. It could be any number of things and even though it is nice to put a name to something, it will not change what you are experiencing. You are ill, that much is clear, having a name for it will mean nothing apart from them being more certain which treatments to give you. You can get through this, despite what it seems like.
Drinking won't help hun and you know that. The diagnosis will come once they are sure. It could be any number of things and even though it is nice to put a name to something, it will not change what you are experiencing. You are ill, that much is clear, having a name for it will mean nothing apart from them being more certain which treatments to give you. You can get through this, despite what it seems like.
Well drinking hasn't proved helpful for me the last two weeks, but it's comforting. I actually sort of want to know my diagnosis, for some kind of relief as to what is going on.
You aren't bothering me at all hun. I am sorry I am not being more help. I do understand wanting to know your diagnosis, it is sort of validating I guess. Drinking is comforting, but it is also a depressant.
I noticed in your previous post you mentioned marijuana, please try to stay off this. It is just opening you up to another dangerous route, one which could really damage your life. You posted, you are conintuing to try with college, uni, your health etc so you are clearly a fighter. You want to be ok, but doing drugs, drinking etc will not help you get better. I know I am being hypocritical here but it is the truth. Speak to someone, friends, psych, CPN, open up and be honest because that is the only way they can really help you.
You aren't bothering me at all hun. I am sorry I am not being more help. I do understand wanting to know your diagnosis, it is sort of validating I guess. Drinking is comforting, but it is also a depressant.
I noticed in your previous post you mentioned marijuana, please try to stay off this. It is just opening you up to another dangerous route, one which could really damage your life. You posted, you are conintuing to try with college, uni, your health etc so you are clearly a fighter. You want to be ok, but doing drugs, drinking etc will not help you get better. I know I am being hypocritical here but it is the truth. Speak to someone, friends, psych, CPN, open up and be honest because that is the only way they can really help you.
You're helping just by replying : )
I've been.. enabled to get hold of marijuana through a friend, basically. I don't see how it could damage my life too much though, I doubt i'll get addicted to it :x
I tell my psychiatrist and CPN as much as I can but I have trouble talking to people about.. well, anything. The last time I wanted to get a message across I printed out a large post I made on RYL. Perhaps I'll do the same with this.
I think printing out the message would be a good idea.
As for the marijauna thing....I am not meaning to imply it will ruin your life. I have dabbled in recreational drugs before but it has never solved anything. Trying this drug will cost you money but it will not solve any of your problems (it also makes you really hungry and thirsty)
not wanting to sound like a disaproving aunt, but marijauna has also been provent ot contribute to and worsen psychosis.
i totally understand you wanting a diagnosis; the feeling of understanding through labeling, and also making it easier to get help (therapy or medication)
are you open with your psych and cpn about your drinking and self-harm? maybe if they knew you were so dangerously engaging in these that might give them a boot towards offering you more aid.
"Thinking is the most unhealthy thing in the world"
don't feel bad about posting here, you are more than welcome to post here.
Sorry to hear that you've been struggling. I understand the need to have some sort of identity to what you're facing, sometimes a name or a label makes it easier to deal with.
hopefully being more open to your CPN and psychiatrist [like you said, by printing off these posts] will be able to help them help you more.
You sound like a fighter; and hopefully things will get straightened out for you sooner rather than later. sorry i'm not able to offer much help, but i am here for you if you want to talk.
*offers hugs*
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
not wanting to sound like a disaproving aunt, but marijauna has also been provent ot contribute to and worsen psychosis.
i totally understand you wanting a diagnosis; the feeling of understanding through labeling, and also making it easier to get help (therapy or medication)
are you open with your psych and cpn about your drinking and self-harm? maybe if they knew you were so dangerously engaging in these that might give them a boot towards offering you more aid.
I did fear that it could make psychosis worse, but I .. I actually enjoyed being in that state, the high, the energy..
I haven't really discussed drugs and alcohol with my psychitrist, nor self harm so much. I could give it a shot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ravynsoul
don't feel bad about posting here, you are more than welcome to post here.
Sorry to hear that you've been struggling. I understand the need to have some sort of identity to what you're facing, sometimes a name or a label makes it easier to deal with.
hopefully being more open to your CPN and psychiatrist [like you said, by printing off these posts] will be able to help them help you more.
You sound like a fighter; and hopefully things will get straightened out for you sooner rather than later. sorry i'm not able to offer much help, but i am here for you if you want to talk.
*offers hugs*
I'll try to start printing out posts more often as it's my best method of communication with them.
DO print the posts out hun. I still have to do this! And they are used to it, they really are, so have no fear that way ok? As long as it is getting out who cares how????
And , before i forget!, DON'T feel like you shouldn't post ok? You are MORE than welcome hunni :o).
Ok, as to the drugs....well...maybe it won't but...it lead me to other, more dangerous drugs. I can't say 'don't' it isn't up to me...but i can say...be careful ok? It WILL add to the psychosis, and it can get quite frightening!
Pls try tio be safe ok?
and PM if you like
romp
DO print the posts out hun. I still have to do this! And they are used to it, they really are, so have no fear that way ok? As long as it is getting out who cares how????
And , before i forget!, DON'T feel like you shouldn't post ok? You are MORE than welcome hunni ).
Ok, as to the drugs....well...maybe it won't but...it lead me to other, more dangerous drugs. I can't say 'don't' it isn't up to me...but i can say...be careful ok? It WILL add to the psychosis, and it can get quite frightening!
Pls try tio be safe ok?
and PM if you like
romp
Thank you for your replies everyone. And I will try to stay safe romp.
I'm actually seeing my friends in Sheffield this weekend. I live in Manchester. We're going out for somebodys birthday and it's a pretty big thing for me because I've barely been out in months with friends like this.. possibly over half a year.
Why is it that the most immediate thoughts that are coming to mind are;
"None of the hospital staff have had to put up with your ****. You could overdose and walk right back out of there without being sectioned."
).