Trying to stop *Positive* *Might trig SH and ED*

[zowie]

I'm going to go back to eating 1 meal a day. Don't tell me I shouldn't, I was on one meal a day and then when people told me to go up to three meals a day I put on three stone and am STILL gaining). Plus I am never hungry enough for a third meal but I just do it anyway coz I'm so greedy.
I'm going to exercise more. I am saving up for a wii fit and me and my sister have made a pact that we will spend half an hour on the dance mat each day and encourage each other.
Sounds like crap exercise since it's all computer games really, but it's the best I can do. as I am too self conscious to join a gym, can't go swimming coz of my scars and can't go running or cycling coz I smoke.
However, I reckon my meds play a big part in the weight gain and there's also the fact that I like a few pints at the weekend. So I'm going to have to work extra hard.
Then there's the SH. I am really going to try my best to stop. I have bought bio oil which is good for making scars less visible (plus they help reduce stretch marks which fatty here has obviously got) and am applying it twice a day. There would be no point if I were planning to just hurt myself again (and that stuff is well expensive) so I really mean it this time.
I feel like I can overcome it if I get suicidal urges. I feel like I've been given a new prospective on life. I think things like how I would feel if certain people around me died, then reverse it and realise how much I would hurt them. I also think things like 'if I died now, I would never see another summer. I will never see my little sister or my baby cousins grow up' And it keeps me going.
I don't know why I'm making a post about this. I guess this is my new year's resolution and I'm just starting early. And I guess I may need a bit of support to keep me going

[Coffee Addict]

GOOD LUCK!

[zowie]

Thank you :)

[BoundNoMore]

You can do it Zowie!!!!!

[Kahlia1981]

That's a big step, but I know that you can make it. You can do it zowie. Good luck and if you need any extra support let us all know. :D

[ravynsoul]

Good luck! Way to go for making positive steps in your life :)
Let me know how you like the wii fit... i was contemplating getting one.

[Seraphsigh]

Yeah, computer game or not, anything that gets you moving is good for you! And it'll probably be more fun than the treadmill. ;)
Go get em, Zowie.
And no calling yourself "fatty".

*hugs*

[IcarusDrowning]

All the best with your goals hope it goes well for you.

[zowie]

Thank you all :)

Finding it a bit hard at the moment. Made a fool of myself on Friday night and want to cut to numb the self-hatred.
Then on Saturday night I saw my boyfriend, best friend and her boyfriend. It was really quiet and awkward since we haven't seen each other in so long. Makes me feel really crappy. I feel like they don't really want to be my friend anymore.
I miss my boyfriend. I asked him if he wanted to go for lunch today but he was really dismissive, just said he'd drop some of my stuff round and leave.
Meh.

[zowie]

Doing much better!
Am one month free since Friday!
Yay! x

[Kahlia1981]

I don't know if I've said it already, but congratulations on making one month free. How are you liking the wii fit? I'm considering getting one after christmas to "play" with when I go out to my parental units place. Anyway just wanted to say well done.

[ravynsoul]

Congrats on one month free!!

[zowie]

Thanks guys!
Kahlia, I haven't got the Wii Fit yet, they're sold out everywhere!

Feeling a bit shakey today as it's one year exactly since I started hearing voices.
It's a little bit stressful, but I'll get through it!
xxx