I don't know why I bother

[Feel_Good_inc.]

I'm alone. I have no one I can rely on. No one I can call. No on I can talk to. I am friendless in this world.

Nothing ever gets better for me for more than a brief time. These periods of light only serve to remind me of how black the darkness is. I reach these heights only to have further to fall.

I want to cut. I want to hurt. I want to bleed until there is nothing left in me. And more and more I question why I'm even bothering to resist the urges.

My whole life is just a waste of existence. I never seem to be able to do anything right. Never say or do the right thing. I just think it would be better sometimes if I just ended it all and stopped being such a burden to the world.

I don't want to feel this way anymore.

I wish I had someone. Someone to talk to. Someone to just be with so I knew the world isn't as dark and lonely as I think it is.

I wish I knew things were going to get better. So I had something worth hanging on for.

I always thought my life would be better by now. But it's not. It's the same. it's always the same. nothing changes. nothing improves. Nothing gets better.

I'm just a useless and pathetic waste of space that dreams of a life that will never be.

I look around and the world. So many people. they all seem to know what they're doing. What answers do they have that I don't? Why do they know what to do and I don't?

I just don't want to feel like this anymore. Like I want to tear my heart from my chest so I don't feel anything ever again.

People have told me my whole life things always get better. But they lied.

[Sketchy]

Sorry, I'm not too good with words at the moment, but you are not a waste of existance. When you say you are a useless waste of space it scarily reminds me of what I tell myself. I am getting help for these negative thoughts and I find it hard not to believe it about myself, but I have been told it is not the case and I believe the same for you. Everyone has their possitives, but when we feel so low it is difficult to focus on these things.
You say things can't get better and people who have said so have lied. I worry about the same but we have to hope and try for things to get better. Fight these negative thoughts, even if it's not easy.
You are NOT a burden to the world. Right now I'm thinking of all the fantastic posts you have made in general discussion. All the effort you have put in, and how you have most definatly cheered up other RYLers.
Sorry, don't know what else to say, but I hope you can stay strong and fight these thoughts.
Take care.x

[0121-Dave.]

I'm sorry to hear you feel this right now, you have a lot to offer with the knowledge you have & your interests, I'm sure you can achieve your goals given time & perseverance.

Your contributed posts on this forum are also inspiring, thats why you bother, so please, dont loose faith in yourself, you're at a low ebb at the moment for whatever reason, but it'll pass & things will pick up, just have faith.

[tifflehan]

I understand your post completely and feel EXACTLY the same way.