I don't want this to kill me

[ccjg]

I feel like with every day that passes I get weaker and weaker in the fight against everything - trying not to starve, trying not to purge, trying not to cut, trying not to OD (on a bad day I'd be likely to do all four), trying to give myself enough sleep and food and normal things... I never thought it was going to be easy. And I know that if I don't stop I'll end up dead. Sorry, I don't really know how to word this. But I just feel like I'm being beaten.

[PassedExpectations]

do you have anyone fighting with you, supporting you when you feel weak? having others to help you can make things easier.

you'll be able to get through this, there will be ups and downs, and it may take a while, but you can get through them and beat the bad stuff.

can you do things to take some of the negative options away or make them more difficult to act on? like get rid of pills or blades. and make the good options easier? maybe set a schedule for when you will sleep and when you will eat, and do your best to stick to it....

[high.hopes]

Just an echo of everything that Katie has said... You're not alone! Plesae keep fighting, Kia <3

[ccjg]

I'm lucky to have a very good friend who is always there for me and even though I feel awful to burden him with my problems he's very understanding and kind. He's trying to make me see that it's time to go and see a doctor. I think he's probably right but I am scared - I live in Germany but I'm a Brit so ideally I'd like to find an English speaking doctor, which might take a bit of searching. Just talking about this stuff in my third language doesn't seem feasible.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me lovely PM's and just supported me through a really difficult couple of days. I am so touched by and grateful for your support. xxxx

[PassedExpectations]

if you went in to a german doctor, or called the office, they may be able to recommend an english speaking doctor for you.