I have to be a mentor *MENTIONS SI/SUICIDE*

Seraphsigh · 09-06-2010, 11:44 PM

Hello, everyone.
My apologies that I have not been active enough to even attempt to be there for any of you. It's been difficult for me to not get triggered, and I'm probably just self-centered as it is. Anyway, I need your advice.
I'm a music teacher, and one of my new students is such a wonderful, exuberant little light, fun to work with, and all around exciting to teach. Her mom had to cancel a lesson a week ago, and told me that her daughter was sick. She later confided in me that her daughter, I'll call her Tina, had tried to kill herself twice, was recently released from an inpatient facility, and is now doing outpatient therapy. Tina is 12. Her mom said it was a result of past factors, and I of course did not pry. She did tell me that she would tell Tina that I knew the situation, because it affects a lot of what we do.
Here's my question. Do you think it would be appropriate for me to share with Tina a little of my history with depression and as a cutter? I feel almost led to do this, as it seems that if I were in her shoes, I might appreciate an older mentor whom I could trust, and who isn't a therapist or a mom. But, that comes from a place of me never having a mentor that I could trust when I was her age. I suppose I would tell her that while I have no idea what she has been through, or what it feels like to be her, I have also been afraid, and hurt, and angry, and have taken it out on myself. And I've ended up recovering and okay.
I also feel like this might help me in my recovery...to take on a new role.

Sorry this is so long. If anyone has an opinion, positive or negative, it is appreciated.

Much love,

D'Arcy

~*Dare to Dream*~ · 10-06-2010, 12:20 AM

Hi D'Arcy,

Its an interesting situation that you have been put in. Firstly you are a music teacher to this child, the parent obviously has been able to put her trust in you and confide with you about her daughter. Obviously she thinks you potential to help her, but you have got to remember your role in this. As a teacher have you done a safeguarding and protecting children course? If not and you regularly come into contact with children then I would suguest going on one. This is not to scare you or anything, but coming ino contact with children in an offical capacity like this then there are guidelines on what you should and shouldn't do. As a music teacher I would be there to help encourage her and give her confidence and inspire her to achieve - which will help her confidence and that should help with her recovery as well as yours as you watch this child gain abilities and sucess which you have enabled her to achieve.

Now Im not saying dont get involved with the self harm and cutting, however she is easily impressionable and even though your intents are good they may not come across this way. I'd talk to the mother first if I were you so that everyone is comfortable with the situation and everything is open and honest. If you are still struggling with self harm then maybe it is not a good idea to involved on this level as she should be seeking professional help and advice like yourself to be able to cope with the situation.

(I'll take my proffessional hat off now...)

I'd just be careful whatever you do as simple kind gestures can lead to allegations which ruin careers so i'd be careful what you are getting yourself in for. Im sorry if this isn't the opinion you would like to hear but remember what role you have been approached in which is a music teacher - not a therapist.

Hope this Helps!

Seraphsigh · 10-06-2010, 12:39 AM

Hmm...thank you. That is exactly the kind of feedback I needed! That is my main worry: that the role I'm filling is the appropriate one. Talking to her mom is a good idea--since she talked to me, perhaps I can be open with her. However, I'm afraid that sharing some of that stuff with her mom will make her doubt my abilities as a mentor. I don't know. Maybe I just shouldn't say anything, except "if you need to talk to someone, I'm here for you" or something along those lines. I don't know what it's like to be 12 and suicidal. All I remember about being 12 was feeling alone.
Oh well. Thanks for your help. :)

88shelz · 10-06-2010, 01:26 PM

i would ask the student if she would like to talk about it and if she does then maybe bring it up and let her know that she is not alone.

hycan · 10-06-2010, 10:36 PM

I can understand your reasoning about wanting to help and be a mentor. You really can help by supporting this girl and her mother. However it would completly inappropriate for you to tell her about your own personal struggles and to be honest I think it could possibly trigger her, remember that is why we label our posts here. You are not a therapist, I think you are probably desperate to stop a young girl from going through what you did which is so admirable but you need to be so careful xoxo

Seraphsigh · 11-06-2010, 04:55 PM

Okay. Thank you all for your help. For the record, I really wasn't going to try to take on a therapist role or try to solve anything or go into details. I just won't mention it. Thanks for the feedback though I appreciate it.