I just sent this to my therapist and now I’m terrified I’ve made the wrong decision
I have been thinking very carefully about our conversation yesterday and a talk I had with J. I have decided that I want to work hard to stay here.
My thoughts on this are very torn. I feel extremely guilty and selfish going down this route because I feel I am putting people I care about, including you, at risk of horrific things. I guess my plan is to see what happens and if I feel that anyone is at imminent risk then I will carry out what the demons want me to do. It seems like now is the time to really try and bear the torment long enough so the demons and voices are either forced to show themselves to others or are shown to be liars like you say.
I feel utterly terrified about this, it feels like a massive risk and I know that because I’m saying this, they will probably up the ante and that scares me too. I can’t even promise I will keep up this resolve but I want to let you know I am willing to try.