I deleted my post. As I said it wasn't my intent to be harsh and it's clear you think I was off base. I do still think that you seem to be very stuck in a defeatist cycle. You say that you are trying and I do believe you. However almost every other statement you make is very much a, things won't help, I can't each out, I can't ask for support or what I need type of statement.
It is very much possible to be trying, but also to be stuck in a mindset like that. It might be worth trying to think about how you frame things and how you frame statements in your head to see if that's something worth trying to work on.
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