I'm sorry that just happened. Was the chat at least a bit helpful to just talk it through with someone?
I think you actually just summed it up yourself there, about it being pointless. These repeated actions aren't getting you any where but there are other actions you could take (or in this case, no action! or maybe speaking to someone first) that would be more beneficial. I know that's much easier said than done. You are in control of your actions, despite what you think, and I know you can make some positive steps forward instead of this cycle of self sabotage.
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