*hugs Jess* hey, those two things are pretty important, to be sure.
I don't WANT... To have to deal with all this any more. Last meds appointment earlier this after noon. About one of the first little discussions we had went like this:
Dr: 'You're still drinking..?'
Me: 'Yes...'
Dr.: 'Will you stop?'
Me: 'No...'
Dr.: 'Have you tried AA?'
Uh, hello?! I SO do not meet the criteria for alcoholism as set down in the DSM. His response was to tell me (after he told me I wasn't going to like hearing it) the part of the criteria that says it has to significantly, negatively, impact part of your life and then went on to tell me parts of life it could affect... Physically is evidentally my problem because it inhibits the neurotransmitters that we're playing with with the meds. Hello?! By that definition EVERY that drinks could be considered an alcoholic as alcohol works on EVERYONES neurotransmitters! It's a depressant, I know that.
And then there was him telling me that I shouldn't be drinking because of the meds I'm on... Already knew that thanks.
And then there was the 'what to do next' conversation where he asked me if I had talked to community mental health (clinic in the area). Um, no, looking into getting basic health and then finding someone to prescribe my meds. Oh, well you should probably talk to them anyway... Drs are hard to find here, at least those accepting new patients... And if I can't find one he will see me again in the fall even though I'm technically not eligable to go there(you are allowed to continue to go there for one term after you graduate and this summer was that term for me)... I know that's probably supposed to be a good thing, like 'oh, how nice, he cares'... And it is nice, I guess... But I don't want to do it any more, I don't want to talk about being ****ed up any more... As for a new doc... I don't want that either, just someone new, someone who will look through my file and learn just how messed up I really am...
And my last session was this morning and tbh I'm a bit sad about it
...
I don't know what I feel about any of it... I kind of do... I know that I don't want to do it any more...
*sigh* damn