How're you doing now your friend is there?
I hear how you feel disregarded and discarded by your father. This hurts more than anything that you can bear. It may be that you choose to want to end your life rather than feel so rejected. You reject yourself to make the pain easier to bear.
The shame at being so disregarded seems to have made you acutely sensitive to being seen by others.
These are big deep painful issues, and you could really benefit from some good professional support, a safe space to explore what's happening to you, and safe ways through it so you can connect with yourself and others again.
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