I was born at 30 weeks, 2lbs 13 oz.
Traumatic birth - forceps because I stopped breathing.
Mum had [undiagnosed then] PND.
I wasn't touched by mum until I was 3 weeks old.
Then I didn't go home until I was 2 months old.
It's had an effect.
But it's only the beginning of a cycle of later trauma that led to Complex PTSD.
It made me more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
Partly the prematurity, not being 'ready' to be in the world, but also due to lack of bonding and attachment.
Internal thought pattern 'the world isn't ready for me and I'm not ready for the world. I am too small and fragile to exist. Everything hurts.'
|