I saw a psychiatric report about myself when I was 13. It was when I was just out of hospital - been sectioned for reasons I don't really want to say - and I was in my mum's bedroom (looking for my birthday present).
You know what, I didn't find my present, I found this report at the bottom of the wardrobe. It said 'Miss Katie Walker, Psychiatric Evaluation Assessment' on the front page. Naturally, it interested me and I read it. I was shocked by what I read, it was horrible.
There were phrases in there that I'd said, stuff like 'I don't care anymore' and the thing I said to my mum when I threatened to kill myself (about an hour before I tried to) which was 'If I end up in hospital over this, I'm blaming you - I don't care about what happens to me, if I end up on the life support machine you can f***ing switch it off.'
Ok, so I know I said it, but it still upset me to see it written down. Also the psychiatrist thought I saw people at night, just because I don't like walking in the dark. The word 'delusional' is somewhere in that report, as well as 'schizotypical' and 'maybe borderline.'
Also, referring to my treatment at the psychiatric hospital -
'Refuses medication, doesn't want to be helped, hopeless case.'
It really does hurt to see horrible things written about you, I know.
Katie
xx
|