Thank you all so much, you're all so lovely.
You have helped me so much.
I needed to hear (read) all this. I needed to know I'm not those things and that I'm not the one who's wrong here...even thought I know deep inside, I need to know it form someone else so thanx.
Trucktastic, I haven't read Carrie but my bf has. I have some idea of how her mother is however.
She's like that though, it's all about how much you can get form someone. How to get "as much as you can form them".
When I was a kid she'd punish and yell at me for not being able to get "what I can" from people and not being able to manipulate them into giving me things. I never liked doing that, it made me feel so low. She was always going off about how to get things from others.
She also hated it when I gave away things claiming hat "no one ever gave me anything for free" so I couldn't give things away. When I gave away some of my toys that I NEVER played with she hit me...and one halloween I gave my best friend a whole bag of candy I didn't want and she yelled at me and then punished me for being "so stupid".
She always told me to get a guy with money and from an afluent family so he could "take well care of me" and her as well. Unfortunately for me she doesn't believe in love, she doesn't believe it exists so she thinks relationships are about getting what you can from one another. She also doesn't believe in firendship, she thinks everyone is a fake and is out to betray you or take form you. I sense some paranoia in that. This is why she once tried to separete me from my best friend and poisoned me about how she wasn't really my friend.
She also belives that my husband has to help her monetary wise.
She doesn't know how much she hurts me.
Last year I was suicidal but I knew I couldn't tell her this...she wouldn't know how to handle it, so I told my ex boyfriend and he told her...she subsequently said the most hurtfull thnig she could...she asked me if it was true I was suicidal and when I said it was she said, "Go ahead, kill yourself. Better for me, less problems. Besides, I know your doing this just to manipulate me but it won't work so go ahead and kill yourself, I'll be better off, you can't manipulate me with this!" I was not manipulating her though, as I hadn't told her (I never would)...she claimed the same thing the second time around, just last month but as before, I hadn't told her...so how am I manipulating her when I never tell her?
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